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tagged four loko »
2010: USC’s Year in Headlines
Court upholds USC’s trademark of interlocking SC logo, South Carolina’s trademark rejected : The judge defends his decision ““ “you try saying “Gamecock’ with a straight face.” Chik Fil A opens near campus : Spicy chicken deluxe experience declared necessary, religious. Unfortunately, I continue to be incapable of walking past Chipotle NCAA violations, sanctions, ban : Too soon. July... MORE »
With Four Loko Ban Date Approaching, Scientists Already Working on Other Ways to Kill Selves
The last day which liquor stores may sell alcoholic energy drink Four Loko in stores is fast approaching. On December 10th, all Four Loko cans remaining on shelves must be disposed of. College students across the state are in a frenzy, buying up case after case of Four Loko, in preparation for Four Loko Prohibition.... MORE »
BREAKING NEWS: The Cornell Apocalypse is Near
Well, it’s official. The world is ending. After a two week hiatus from Four Loko, students everywhere have been on edge. Life just isn’t the same – people wake up and actually know where they are, with their dignities still intact. THIS IS UNHEARD OF. Long gone are the days of passing out outside of... MORE »
Rumored Four Loko Ban Has Thousands of Students Preparing for Minor Apocalypse
Four Loko, the popular alcoholic energy drink and currently the second best-selling beverage on the market behind water, is rumored to be facing legal troubles from the Food and Drug Administration for causing too many of its customers to get absolutely blackout retarded and have like, legit no freakin’ memory of what happened last night,... MORE »