Tiger
Woods, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Phelps, Mel Gibson, Brittany Spears, Kim
Kardashian’s “wedding/life” and the movie Cowboys and Aliens: all of these have
something in common, and it rhymes with disappointment.
As of
this past weekend, we can whole-heartedly add Rick Berrs’ name to the shame
list.
Berrs, a
promising senior in Environmental Studies, was good-looking, smart, and
well-liked by his peers. He had stylish hair and wore fitted pants. He knew how
to hold a guitar attractively so that actually playing it was unnecessary. When
he made mac and cheese, it tasted better than average, somehow.
“He was
always so helpful with tips about conservation so I assumed that meant he was a
good guy,” splutters Dina Vee, freshman. “He made recycling so”¦sexy.”
Yes,
Berrs, was one of those guys that had it all, because he conserved it all.
That is,
until last Saturday night when Berrs did the unthinkable and left his apartment
for the night, leaving his room blatantly well lit.
All
night.
With no
one there.
Berrs’
friends and neighbors were shocked and deeply disturbed by the news.
“You
think you know a guy,” says Gary Tong, sophomore. “Then they turn around and do
something like this- it’s just disgusting. It really shed a lot of light on his true nature- sorry I
couldn’t help it.”
Fellow
Environmental Studies students continue to struggle with what Berrs’ behavior
means for their existence. Gabby Reyes, a junior who once had dreams of
discovering the ultimate clean energy, shakes her head. “I thought we really
stood for something, but now I’m not so sure. I wanted to find clean energy,
but all I can think now is dirty, dirty, dirty.”
Berrs has
been unavailable for comment on account of the public’s extremely negative,
even violent reaction to his flagrant disregard for light switches.
Unfortunately
for Berrs, it may be awhile before the situation changes. In the meantime, the
community is left feeling incredibly turned off.
Too bad
he couldn’t do that to the light.
