Lia Woodward
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Lia Woodward

Mr. Airport Security, I can assure you there's no need to detain Lia; that sharp object is just her wit. Please stop touching it. Lia is a lady writer in lots of mediums, including but not limited to the internet, screenwriting, prose, and a funny song here and there.
April 23, 2012

Week in Review: You say goodbye, and I say NEWS

Your second-best source for this week’s Daily Trojan headlines. Students can donate excess dining dollars to LA homeless The only catch is that you have to figure out how to actually hold a dining dollar in your hand and describe what it looks like to the human eye.    Betty White discusses new book at... MORE »

April 20, 2012

“Eh, Coachella was just okay…” says student, whose last name is “Nobody”

Coachella Weekend 2 is upon us, which means at least a few thousand college students will not be reading this until Monday afternoon. Jim Nobody, a USC junior, attended his first Coachella during Weekend 1, and experienced it in full. Earlier today he was able to share that experience with us. “I think my favorite... MORE »

April 11, 2012

USC announces new major in Paper Writing

“It’s been a long journey, but we’ve reached the dream,” says Professor Peter Bender. “Now I can die knowing I did something important.” For the past 20 years, Professor Bender has been tirelessly pushing to build an academic program in which students can earn a degree in writing papers. “Sure, virtually every area of study... MORE »

April 4, 2012

USC fills “big envelopes” with rejection letters for April Fools; no one laughs

“In retrospect, it really wasn’t the best judgment on our part,” explained the Dean of Admissions. “We thought everyone would agree it was all in good fun, but…well, they didn’t.” Over the weekend, USC Admissions sent out large-size envelopes, also known as “big envelopes” which are typically understood to be acceptance letters, however this particular... MORE »

March 28, 2012

Non-drinkers can finally meet everyone’s ‘judgmental’ expectations by adapting statements from typical college party-goers

After several years’ worth of attending college parties as a non-drinker, I am noticing a concerning trend: we alcohol-free anomalies just are not meeting everyone’s expectations. When we show up to parties, ready to enjoy ourselves without bothering anyone or making a scene, we are a disappointment. Why? Because we are not judging people enough.... MORE »

March 26, 2012

Week in Review: Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s News

Your second best source for this week’s Daily Trojan headlines. New president aims to strengthen community By community, she meant the tv show. Pew study found 36 % of young adults heard about Kony 2012 through the internet The remaining 64% only saw about it through the internet. Suspect entered classroom while class was in... MORE »

March 24, 2012

Club withdraws Invisible Children support after IC reportedly types LOL without meaning it

“We would prefer to remain anonymous,” says Jane Summer*, president of the We’dRatherNotSay Club at USC. “To be honest, we just don’t want anyone to know that we ever pledged support in the first place.” The We’dRatherNotSay Club is only one of many on campus that have chosen to withdraw their excitement and support from... MORE »

March 19, 2012

USC scientists find causality between Impact font and laughter

Science finally got to the bottom of the text-superimposed-over-image meme appeal, and it could not have happened sooner. To everyone’s surprise and delight, the humor in a meme has nothing to do with the content and everything to do with the font. “Believe it or not, the human brain actually functions in fonts. For example,... MORE »

March 19, 2012

Week in Review: To be or not to be? That is the News

Your second-best source for this week’s Daily Trojan headlines. USC ranks 6th in bar preparation Bar as in “places that serve alcohol,” and frankly guys, ya blew it. USC has a 25% admittance rate for transfer students In a totally unrelated study, about 25% of USC transfer applicants are really good looking. I don’t know why... MORE »