There are many from this campus, this country, and probably
even the world that never thought a long standing, unanswerable, hot button
issue could reach an amicable conclusion, but a group of USC students proved
everyone wrong several nights ago.


Last Saturday (or Sunday, depending on your worldview) at
around midnight, Joanie Kershing, a senior, casually brought up the most
exhausted, party-killing, fun time-ruining, friendship-ending issue of them all
at a gathering hosted by her boyfriend, Tim Land, also a senior.


“As soon as Joanie asked “Hey guys, which Oscar nominated movie
based on only one superior sports team with the most correct religious belief would
you vote to be the next president of the United States?’,” describes Land, “I
was ready for the worst.”

Like Land, many a college student has seen this polarizing
question single-handedly destroy social gatherings of all types. Even experts
including renowned film critics , religious leaders, sports writers, political
pundits, and professors specializing in all of these areas have been known to
scream and yell at each other at their infamous Professors of Cinematically
Religious and Political Sports parties.


So, naturally, it was a pleasant surprise to all when four
hours later, everyone at Tim Land’s gathering reached a universal consensus
that involved no compromises, concessions, negotiations or conciliations of any


“Everyone just flat out accepted everything anyone said”
recalls Peter Barr, a sophomore that participated in the discussion. “My guess
is it was the late hour. There’s something magic about those 4am conversations,
where you feel like the world just stops, the universe opens up”¦” he trails off
thoughtfully. “At 4am, no matter what you say, it makes totally perfect sense
to everyone.” He smiles with excitement, adding “And no one was high!!”


According to participants, each guest at the social gathering
listened attentively and respectfully while every person shared about their


“The natural trend seemed to be that everyone would talk for
only 30 seconds at time. It was all about self policing, that way everyone
would have a chance to talk,” says Kate Fuller, a junior. “I mean, at 4am, all
anybody wants to do is listen to OTHER people’s strong opinions, am I right??”


And that’s exactly what happened. After four hours of pleasant, inoffensive discussion, the group arrived at a conclusion that magically satisfied
everyone, and all present exchanged heartfelt embraces.


“There I was, sitting and talking to a bunch of people I
completely disagree with on a whole range of levels, without anyone changing
their minds,” describes Land. “So when it ended of COURSE I wanted to hug them!
It’s the natural thing to do.”


When asked about what exactly WAS the miraculous solution, the
group refused to release this information to the public. “The stuff we were
able to figure out together, as a group, in that room, well, that was a very rare
and special thing” says Joanie, the original instigator, with a wink.
“Honestly, there’s no telling how the world would handle our answer to this
timeless question.”


And so, it appears that we can all agree on the magical powers
of the 4am conversation. Were these college students right in their decision to
withhold this widely sought answer? Were the hugs REALLY that good? 

That’s still
up for debate.