Some of us have not matured since fifth grade health class. Some of us still giggle at the word “vagina.” Some of us will sprint to a window when told kids on the other side of your dorm are doing it. Some of us are proud to inform you that, from above, Day Hall looks like a dong.

I am one of those people.
Thus, I couldn’t help myself and created a rough list of Syracuse University-themed pickup lines. I know you all have fantastic suggestions too, and PLEASE submit them in the comments!

Hey girl, can you carry my dome with your mouth?

You make my heart Schine.
I’m gonna ride you like the Carousel.
When I see your body, blood rushes to my South Campus apartment.
I’ll make you SyraJuice.
You Otto blow me.

I’d like to Shuttle-U-Home.

Your legs are longer than the Crouse stairs.
Let’s make a VPA: Vagina/Penis Agreement.
I’ll show you my little Whitman.

Did it hurt when you fell from Haven? No really, did it hurt when you ate shit down East Adams?

After I have my way with you, you’re gonna have to go to Health Services.*
*Meant to be taken literally. It also sounds terrifying.

Special thanks to Leah and Zora!