Damn You Bernie Fine

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December 6, 2011 at 5:27 pm

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◄ Life Lessons: Desk Edition

Cain drops out of GOP race, is seen at local bar ►

March 9, 2013

Boeheim Shits on Podium After Georgetown Loss

Syracuse head coach Jim Boeheim walked to the postgame press conference podium after his reeling team’s 61-39 embarrassment at No. 5 Georgetown Saturday, undid his pants, dropped a steaming, rancid turd just below the microphone, and walked out. “You want an opening statement?” An irate Boeheim asked as he undid his belt. “Here’s my... MORE »

April 12, 2012

No. 1 Recruit Nerlens Noel Chooses Kentucky, Orange Fans Blame Fab Melo

Nerlens Noel, rated the number one recruit in the Class of 2012, announced today that he will play NCAA basketball at the University of Kentucky. After narrowing his list of schools to Syracuse, Kentucky, and Georgetown, he committed to the reigning national champions. Orange fans, furious about how the events transpired, were determined to play... MORE »

April 4, 2012

Student reveals he is going home this weekend just to have sex

Watson Hall Quad 407 is buzzing with excitement. Three of its residents are going home this weekend to celebrate an important religious holiday: Drew Collins is headed back for Easter. Ben Schwartz and Mark Allen for Passover. However, its fourth resident, Jack Turney, is going home for a more important reason. “I’m going home to... MORE »

April 4, 2012

The Fab Melo Riots

With the news late Monday night that Sophomore Center Fab Melo will forgo his junior year as he declared for the NBA draft Syracuse fans took their excitement to the streets. Fans burned couches, flipped cars, and looted all along Marshall Street as the news spread- all while chanting the 1969 song “Na Na Hey... MORE »

March 31, 2012

Syracuse Basketball Team Sings “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen

The Syracuse Basketball Team sings "call me maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen. Featuring Kris Joseph Griffin Hoffmann Michael Carter Williams Matt Lyde. MORE »

March 26, 2012

A Text Message From Fab Melo

March 26, 2012

Students Mourn Tournament Loss with “Mad Men” Premiere

“I couldn’t stop grieving,” Sam Bolindy said, Chucks pitcher still in hand since Saturday night. “I needed to ease my pain. I knew I had to move on, but I didn’t know how.” And that’s when Bolindy traded his pitcher of $4 beer in for an Old Fashioned early Sunday and drowned his sorrows in... MORE »

March 24, 2012

Boeheim to Start Reserve Center Frab Melone Against Ohio State

The Syracuse Orange have made it to the Elite Eight without star center Fab Melo, who, a few weeks ago, became ineligible for the NCAA Tournament due to academic reasons. Without the seven-footer in the paint, the Orange have relied on clutch performances from Scoop Jardine, Kris Joseph and Dion Waiters. Tonight, though, the Orange... MORE »

March 22, 2012

March Madness from the Syracuse Staff

The Campus Basement staff isn’t just a group of beautiful people with no real interests. We actually really like sports and competitions and stuff! We even made a cool iStock Photo Bracket! You should look it up after you finish reading this, it’s pretty sexy. Anyways…the staff has been extremely invested in March Madness. Of... MORE »