Centro Bus #6793 on Route 344 South Campus suddenly slammed on its brakes late Tuesday night, causing bumper to bumper gridlock as the bus worked through what appeared to be a mid-life crisis. 

“I’ve been following this other bus, 6798, since five o’clock this afternoon. I’ve been right behind him every day at that time, just a few feet back.”

Buses on the South Campus route tend to wind up driving very close behind one another at night, according to residents in that area. 

“It makes no sense,” sophomore finance major Chris Jenkins said. “I’ll wait forty minutes for one measly bus and then I get two inside of ten seconds. One’s full and one’s totally empty. What the hell?” 

Bus #6793 had difficulty controlling its emotions as it spoke to reporters later in the bus terminal. 

“I never take any passengers, unless 6798 gets really overfilled. That bastard controls when I start, and stop. He controls how long I stop. What am I doing with my life?”

According to 6793, its sister works the uptown East Side route in New York, and its brother is a fire truck. 

“Now there are some mass transit vehicles with some purpose. My parents are really proud of them. What can I say I do? 6798 always takes the drunk college kids in front of me. I can’t even say I do that. I’m basically just his bitch.” 

Bus #6793 took the opportunity to announce it would be entering therapy. 

“There’s…there’s a lot of stuff I need to work out. I need to find meaning in my life. Let go of these crazy routes that render me a hollow shell of bus. How do they design those, anyway?” 

When asked how Syracuse University bussing maps are drawn up, Centro spokesman Carl Raft said, “We usually just get drunk and draw a bunch of squiggles on a piece of paper, and that tends to work out fine.