Suffern, NY.

If you’re a student at Ramapo College, you know that New Rock, a local bar in Suffern, New York, is the (only) place to be on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Shuttle service, cheap drinks, and a dance floor entice hundreds of Ramapo students to attend the venue. The local fare is almost exclusively Ramapo students on these nights, with a few creepy locals there to get a little visual lubrication to bring home later.

However, on one fateful Thirsty Thursday, a group of British exchange students from William Paterson University rocked up to the shores of New Rock. The music screeched to a stop, dancing was dismissed, and drinks were dropped. Moments later, however, the Brits were welcomed with a warm embrace, and all was well.

Then problems emerged. The British tried ordering in “liters’. Strike one. The lads then refused to tip the bartender. Strike two. Moments later, they questioned why the drinks were not taxed. Strike fucking three. Although these cricket-playing fools were unfamiliar with baseball’s three-strike rule, they were about to learn.

“Me and my boys saw these British douchebags disrespecting the American way, and had to do something about it,” comments Tommy, a Junior at Ramapo.

Tommy quickly gathered his fellow freedom fighting friends and approached the British boys to trade insults.

“He called me a bloody muppet or something. I was like, yo, that doesn’t mean anything in this country,” states Tommy. “Then I called him a few choice names and it was on.”

Kicking and screaming, the gruesome fight was taken outside. Seemingly a stalemate, a final element was added to the brawl; Jean-Paul. JP, a French exchange student at Ramapo, assisted the Americans in finalizing the win for the USA.

“Of course, the bloody Americans needed the French to bail them out, typical.” whimpers a nameless British Exchange Student.

With a harsh reminder of their previous revolutionary loss to America, the Brits sailed back home, sober with defeat.

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