Groupon University: Groupon now offers a 60% discount on a graduate teaching program at National Louis University. This means that teachers will now have an answer to the age-old question, “What made you become a teacher?”: “There was a discount on Groupon.”

Anyone Wanna Go Halfsies?: UMass Amherst began the semester by creating the world’s largest stir-fry, weighing 4,010 pounds. Immediately after, they built the world’s largest bong and ate the entire thing. And then ordered a pizza.

(Old Folks) Home Improvement: Jonathan Taylor Thomas (also known as JTT) turned 30 this week. I think I speak for everyone when I say, “When are you going to learn to stand up to your mean older brother Brad?”

Final Exam: Linn State Technical University announced that it will begin drug testing every student on campus. Every student on campus has since decided to drop out.

Weather Or Not: Rain has drenched the northeast all week, leading many to wonder ridiculous questions like, “Is it the end of the world?” “Is John Cusack going to fly in and save me?” and “Why is Shark Night 3D rated PG-13?!”