What do Cornell students like better Christmas or Formal Season? Christmas…lets be real, but seriously Formal Season is a great second. There’s nothing Cornell students love more than getting all dressed up in their Frattiest Sunday Best and getting on buses like herds of sheep (just a lot more drunk) and then dancing and making out all night without feeling any shame since hey…I was invited here.
But still there are plenty of ways you can embarrass yourself at formal (one of which is pictured above…note I do not know either of these beautifully drunk formal dates…frat star #1 and sorostitute #1 is how they can be referred to) Just a few tips to make it through the weekend of formals…..without being sorostitute #2
1. Public Displays of Affection: as stated above formals are a great place to just let lose and make out like wild animals on the dance floor at your table, in the bathroom, on the bus…WHO CARES! but there is a place we can all draw the line…and I’m not getting at ugly people making out….fat people have sex too – slap the ass and ride the wave….BUT if you are going to have sex at formal, don’t do it where people can SEE you doing it, because that’s just disgusting and you know it. I don’t want to see you having sex unless you are getting paid to have sex, because honestly you fumbling around in your 50 dollar rented suit and seeing your sorry ass try to pleasure an underage girl wearing her sorority sisters dress (try handing that back to her after taking it to the dry cleaners – that’s sorority love) is embarrassing and disgusting…if you’re going to do it either wait and control your raging hormones, or if that’s too difficult seeing as you have no control over your body due to copious amounts of alcohol in your body maybe go under a table in the back of the room, or the bathroom…anywhere that we can’t see
2. The Date That Vomits: no one wants to be the one to throw up at formal, but it is almost bound to happen…if you are going to do it again the best place…you know it now don’t you…say it with me…yes the bathroom. Very socially acceptable to throw up in the bathroom, even looked highly upon by some if you return to the dance floor with another drink in your hand one might call you a champ…boot and rally my friend boot and rally. You know when you feel it coming, just kick off those shoes ladies and run to the bathroom, men you have no excuse not to make it to at least the bathroom sink even if you can’t get to the stall. Also…remember to clean up your face when you’re done =) turn that messy situation around get back to the dance floor…and whatever you do, DO NOT VOMIT ON THE BUS….everyone will hate you…get it out before you get on the bus. Side note to dates: if your date looks like either frat star #1 or sorostitute #1 at anytime during formal that may be a hint they are on the verge of vomming…if they can’t keep their head up or eyes open, that’s 1. the first sign of a great time, but 2. also the first sign they are going to boot
3. And lastly one more tip to follow to have a great Formal Season…Watch yo self: may seem like a very vague tip…true it is because I basically think 2 was enough, but there is no such thing as a 2 item list…you need 3 items to have a list. This last tip basically includes keeping your clothes on girls, watch out for the nip slips and the kootch exposing (when you sit cross your legs….or just don’t open them), gentlemen…go for it, take of your tie…tie it around your head you crazy rock star you (or regressing to when you were 13 and loved doing that at bar/bat mtizvahs) but wait until the last song to take off your shirt and dance in the middle of the circle…that is only appropriate for end of the night (I know it’s hot inside, but try to hold off). Also…if you have a drink in your hand while you’re dancing…you shouldn’t have a drink in your hand while dancing. Put it, put it, yes, put it down. You will spill it on me and I will trip you later…”by accident”.
Now….enjoy that formal, get silly, get slutty, go crazy…but watch yo self. And savor it because it a few days its….Finals Season! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH
