On a typical saturday, I wake up around 10 or 11 and start my day off right with a couple of eggs and maybe some bacon – yeah, I splurge on cholesterol on saturdays. Then I go upstairs and tell whatever facially deformed wench who happens to be drooling on my pillows to please exit my bedchambers so I can sit alone in peace and reflect on my consistently banging ugly females when I get incredibly drunk. After about 12 minutes of being upset with myself for having sex with a mix between shrek and an elephant, I play video games for about an hour while drinking several beers. After I get upset and throw my controller against the wall, I usually peruse the internet for a while, maybe jerk off, maybe not depending on if I like the frontpage videos of youjizz that morning.

 After that, I meander downstairs and see who’s hanging out in the foyer and brag about banging a girl who I upgraded to an 8 rating rather than the 3-4 range she is actually in. After a few hours of talking about how I hit that babe froggy style, I generally go to Jason’s to buy a couple six packs so I can sit on the back porch and try to tan my pasty, flabby midsection. Upon getting sunburnt in my navel, I once again go back to my room and sit in the air conditioning/watch it’s alway’s sunny in philadelphia in my lair. At this point, it is about 10 PM, so I walk down the hallways and drink with everyone I encounter. I make a few lewd jokes to women, jokingly (not really) tell them we should totally go to my room and knock out a few babies, and, after getting shut down around a dozen times, head to bars. There, I drink until I don’t remember anything anymore and then bring home another pig-like female specimen, only to repeat the daily ritual yet again.