Yesterday, outside Olin Library, Lefties came together to protest against the abundance of righty desks and lack of lefty desks around Cornell’s Campus.

With so many famous, successful, lefties, it is disturbing to these students that they are underrepresented.
“We used to be persecuted against. There’s a long history of discrimination against our people. My mom said she got the lefty beat outta her by her teachers. I never had a lefty scissor in kindergarten, but I thought maybe an Ivy League school would be more accommodating….” said Sean Prichet ’13
The group of lefties stood outside Olin Library holding signs with their left hands and their right hands tied to one another to show how they feel every day of their lives.
“Try taking a test with your entire body turned around so you can write on the desk…TA’s always think you’re cheating.” explained a frustrated senior Chloe Wachtsberg ’12
“Wines is the first and only class at Cornell that understands our woes and gives priority aisle seating to lefties. In a classroom of 700 seats only the aisle rows are made for us. The comfy seats in Libe Cafe…RIGHTY! (an echo of “righty” from the crowd is heard)….The nice chairs throughout Olin….RIGHTY! These freshman shouldn’t have to wait until their senior year to feel respected as a lefty”.
Cornell Administrators are holding off on responding to these requests until they can understand the politically correct way to handle the circumstance. These lefties are incredibly sensitive and very prideful. Their abilities to gather and rebel are unknown. Cornell is waiting to hear from an anonymous lefty alum to assist in the correct course of action to keep the peace on the campus.