It is always raining here in Ithaca and so it is pertinent to explain the ten rules/proper etiquette when holding an open umbrella around campus.

1. If you are tall do NOT tilt your umbrella downward because you will get me wet.

2. If you are short (and I apologize if I ever did this to you) PLEASE DO pay attention to where your umbrella is in accordance to the average size people around you…you will poke them and probably in the eye. They will be very upset with you and threaten to “pick your little ass up and throw you across the street.”

3. Do NOT hold the umbrella so low so that you can not see in front of you and walk into people.

4. If you see someone walking in the opposite direction move to the side so that your umbrellas don’t collide and splash everyone around you.

5. If you are walking next to someone who is also holding an umbrella, hold them in opposite hands, (you in your left if you’re standing on the left and they in their right if they are standing on the right) it creates a situation in which umbrellas are less likely to hit each other.

6. Additional note, if you have to move your umbrella out of the way switch hands do NOT tip the umbrella you will get yourself (your fault, your problem) and others wet

7. When you get to your destination do NOT shake your umbrella out before checking your surroundings. I am standing right behind you and have been walking behind you this entire time and would prefer not to be shaken on.

8. Do NOT open your umbrella inside at any time. It is bad luck for everyone, and that’s just rude.

9. When you do open your umbrella make sure you are not around any other person, those things are crazy.

10. And lastly, if you are one of those assholes that has one of those really big and obnoxious umbrellas that fits a bunch of
people under it, LEAVE IT AT HOME, you’re a nuisance and everyone hates

So I hope you all learned a thing or two from this and if you chose not to follow these 10 simple suggestions buy a raincoat.