Marc Stinsmore is absolutely certain that there is a typo on
much of the Cornell University apparel. Stinsmore, a freshman, insists, “They
spelled the word “gorgeous’ incorrectly and I demand that it be corrected. How
is Cornell even an Ivy if they can’t spell a simple word? It’s embarrassing.”
Stinsmore’s peers have attempted, however futilely, to
illustrate to him that the slogan, now famous throughout the Northeast, is in
fact a pun on the word “gorges” and that, “that’s what makes it funny.”
“I don’t think it’s funny,” notes Stinsmore. “I think they
messed up and now, instead of admitting it, they just decided to go along and
pretend they came up with a play on words,” adding, “A “pun,’ if you will.”
His classmates have begun to worry about him in the past few
weeks, noting that he has become, “even more enraged by the joke,” and has,
“pretty much stopped showering,” spending much of his time writing the word
“gorges” all over his notebooks, then adding a caret and the letters, “o” and,
“u.”
“It’s two fucking letters, how hard can that be?” asked
Stinsmore.
His roommate, Brian Weinberg, fears for his safety and has
even begun the process of filing for a change of roommate. “I came home the
first day wearing one of the “gorges’ shirts, and he choked me till I blacked
out. When I woke up, the shirt was on fire and Marc was rocking back and forth,
laughing.” Added Weinberg, “A couple days ago, he spotted someone outside our
window wearing the shirt and just up and left. I haven’t seen him since. Or the
student who was wearing the shirt”¦”
Susan Belmore, a junior, claims to have seen someone who
fits Stinsmore’s description yesterday. He was spotted at the bottom of the
gorge, writing the word “gorgeous” on the rocks with his own feces.
