Marc Stinsmore is absolutely certain that there is a typo on
much of the Cornell University apparel. Stinsmore, a freshman, insists, “They
spelled the word “gorgeous’ incorrectly and I demand that it be corrected. How
is Cornell even an Ivy if they can’t spell a simple word? It’s embarrassing.”


Stinsmore’s peers have attempted, however futilely, to
illustrate to him that the slogan, now famous throughout the Northeast, is in
fact a pun on the word “gorges” and that, “that’s what makes it funny.”


“I don’t think it’s funny,” notes Stinsmore. “I think they
messed up and now, instead of admitting it, they just decided to go along and
pretend they came up with a play on words,” adding, “A “pun,’ if you will.”


His classmates have begun to worry about him in the past few
weeks, noting that he has become, “even more enraged by the joke,” and has,
“pretty much stopped showering,” spending much of his time writing the word
“gorges” all over his notebooks, then adding a caret and the letters, “o” and,


“It’s two fucking letters, how hard can that be?” asked


His roommate, Brian Weinberg, fears for his safety and has
even begun the process of filing for a change of roommate. “I came home the
first day wearing one of the “gorges’ shirts, and he choked me till I blacked
out. When I woke up, the shirt was on fire and Marc was rocking back and forth,
laughing.” Added Weinberg, “A couple days ago, he spotted someone outside our
window wearing the shirt and just up and left. I haven’t seen him since. Or the
student who was wearing the shirt”¦”


Susan Belmore, a junior, claims to have seen someone who
fits Stinsmore’s description yesterday. He was spotted at the bottom of the
gorge, writing the word “gorgeous” on the rocks with his own feces.