Ithaca has gorges, wineries, Cornell, Applefest and Chilifest. That’s about it. There is nothing else going for this city so it is important to know how to make the best of what you have.

1. Never pay for chili: you might be asking….how can I enjoy such a glorious day without paying for any chili? ah young grasshopper, tis easy. All you have to do is arrive at around 1:30PM and make sure you have friends already there. They will have extra tickets and they will give them to you. Never buy VIP tickets. You can cut the line using Larry David’s “chat and cut”. Oh and there are no lines #ripoff
2. Enter the Air Guitar Contest: you may not realize an air guitar contest is going on because there is no noise or instruments involved, but if you find it, you will have the time of your life…..I promise. Also…the small children are no good, you can push them out of the way to take the stage. They are worthless here.
3. Enter the Mustache Contest: men, start growing it out weeks in advance….ladies sorry but you’re not going to win with a painted on mustache on your face or on your finger…so don’t bother entering. This is quite the sexist competition, but you can still check out all the sexy staches and be glad that you have estrogen being released in your body so you don’t have a stache.
4. Dress Warm: the chili may be warm, but Ithaca is cold. You will be a miserable person to be around if you are cold because I don’t want to hear, “I’m cold, let’s go home”. No bitch, I came here to eat some chili, you should have worn earmuffs.
5. Eat the Chili with the M&Ms: it looks like an icecream sundae, but it is too spicy to eat without the chocolate to balance it out. Totally worth the experience. After an hour of eating chili your mouth will be numb to the different kinds and they all begin to taste the same. This one will shock your mouth though, make you cry, make you sad….that’s when it is time to leave.