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BREAKING NEWS: Cornell Working to Hire Victor Cruz as Salsa 101 Instructor
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apost
February 6, 2012 at 10:36 am
Everyone at Cornell (except transfers...how come they get away with this?) has to take two gym classes and a swim test before they are able to graduate. For some reason it is important that we have both academic knowledge and have 6 credits worth of some physical activity knowledge. We are a well rounded university! Salsa classes are hardly ever taken for gym credit here at Cornell (mostly because we fear human contact), but now, with a contract in the works with Victor Cruz to teach the course, this could be the next Skeet Shooting 101.
End of the World? Snow in Ithaca This Summer
From tsunamis to tornadoes to hurricanes to oil spills, Earth has been experiencing its fair share of natural disasters. Maybe the Mayans were in fact right when they said that the world would end this year. Weird things really have been occurring on our planet for quite a while now, but nothing as weird as... MORE »
No Spring Maintenance….
After last Friday’s 85-degree weather, it appears that Cornell University has used all of its spring maintenance funding on keeping the Lake Effects snow out of the forecast, not accounting for the shocking, yet annual, mid-April snow and sleet storm. While on a campus tour this morning, a pre-frosh was overheard stating “well, it can... MORE »
Hunger Games At Cornell: Which College Will Win?
Ezra Cornell was actually a pretty twisted President. When he founded Cornell he also said that at the 147th (arbitrary number chosen similar practice done by the Mayans for their calendars) Commencement, rather than have the standard “all rise and all sit, congratulations you’ve graduated” at the ceremony, all 4 state colleges will have a... MORE »
Cornell University Hides Oprah
What some people thought was an April Fools joke at Cornell University was actually reality! Oprah was at Cornell. But, how did nobody know about her arrival, her stay or her departure? If anyone could pull off a magic trick like this it is David Blaine. Yes, Cornellians that is right. Cornell Administrators paid David... MORE »
Yogurt Crazy Bases Hours on New Cornell Study
A new business study from the Dyson School at Cornell shows that undergraduates only eat frozen yogurt at two points: when they are drunk or when the sun has completely set. When the Daily Sun article came out, students were confused as to whether or not this article was meant to be written for the... MORE »
Breaking News: Lefties Protest Outside Olin
Yesterday, outside Olin Library, Lefties came together to protest against the abundance of righty desks and lack of lefty desks around Cornell’s Campus. With so many famous, successful, lefties, it is disturbing to these students that they are underrepresented. “We used to be persecuted against. There’s a long history of discrimination against our people. My... MORE »
1,000 Ways to Die in Ithaca, NY
The administration at Cornell would have you believe that alcohol is the greatest threat to your mortality while on campus, but studies show that this is not true! Here are 1,000 (okay there are actually only 8) greater threats to life and limb, lurking in Ithaca, New York. 8) Falling Ice Every year, as... MORE »
Green Café Voted Biggest Waste of Space in Ithaca
ITHACA, NY – Ithaca mayor Svante Myrick announced on Monday in a press release that the building which once housed Green Café, located at the corner of Dryden Road and College Avenue, is officially the Biggest Waste of Space in Tompkins County. The award is voted on annually by county officials, and granted to the... MORE »
No Spring Maintenance….
After last Friday’s 85-degree weather, it appears that Cornell University has used all of its spring maintenance funding on keeping the Lake Effects snow out of the forecast, not accounting for the shocking, yet annual, mid-April snow and sleet storm. While on a campus tour this morning, a pre-frosh was overheard stating “well, it can... MORE »
Hunger Games At Cornell: Which College Will Win?
Ezra Cornell was actually a pretty twisted President. When he founded Cornell he also said that at the 147th (arbitrary number chosen similar practice done by the Mayans for their calendars) Commencement, rather than have the standard “all rise and all sit, congratulations you’ve graduated” at the ceremony, all 4 state colleges will have a... MORE »
Cornell University Hides Oprah
What some people thought was an April Fools joke at Cornell University was actually reality! Oprah was at Cornell. But, how did nobody know about her arrival, her stay or her departure? If anyone could pull off a magic trick like this it is David Blaine. Yes, Cornellians that is right. Cornell Administrators paid David... MORE »
Mayor Bloomberg Professes Love to Cornell in Song and Dance:
Go to time 2:10 MORE »
Yogurt Crazy Bases Hours on New Cornell Study
A new business study from the Dyson School at Cornell shows that undergraduates only eat frozen yogurt at two points: when they are drunk or when the sun has completely set. When the Daily Sun article came out, students were confused as to whether or not this article was meant to be written for the... MORE »
Breaking News: Lefties Protest Outside Olin
Yesterday, outside Olin Library, Lefties came together to protest against the abundance of righty desks and lack of lefty desks around Cornell’s Campus. With so many famous, successful, lefties, it is disturbing to these students that they are underrepresented. “We used to be persecuted against. There’s a long history of discrimination against our people. My... MORE »
Study Buddy: A Cornell Basement Syndicated Column
Dear guy sitting behind me in Mann who keeps making sighing noises, I REFUSE to turn around and acknowledge you. I don’t care, I won’t turn around and look at you. Others might, but not me. Your sighs are getting louder and closer together like you’re having contractions. I WON’T look back. Eyes on my... MORE »
RUMORS: Ithaca Mayor dating a Kardashian?
Oh and don’t worry it’s not Khloe…she and Lamar are like a rock. Sturdy and round. Some people have been trying to throw viewers off course by saying that Kim Kardashian is dating Jeremy Lin of the New York Knicks. But we all know she is trying to steer clear of athletes and singers due... MORE »
How to Have a Successful Chilifest: Ithaca 2012
Ithaca has gorges, wineries, Cornell, Applefest and Chilifest. That’s about it. There is nothing else going for this city so it is important to know how to make the best of what you have. 1. Never pay for chili: you might be asking….how can I enjoy such a glorious day without paying for any chili? ah... MORE »
Top 5 Worst Gifts Received on Valentine’s Day: Cornell Style
1. A Photo Framed of Yourself: you know that you’re in a terrible relationship when you boyfriend gives you a framed picture of himself for Valentine’s Day. Yes, GQ rated us the doucheiest school in the country, but your boyfriend takes the cake. His graduation photo with the cap and gown…what are you his Aunt?... MORE »
Shit Cornellians at Cornell Say
Agreed upon by some disagreed upon by few….these are the shits that we say up in here. MORE »
Incidences of Hypothermia Increase Due to Lack of Alcohol During Pledging
Even though, in recent weeks, the weather in Ithaca has been unseasonably warm, because of lack of alcohol during pledging students have found themselves feeling like a foreigner….cold as ice (to any 80s music fans out there). “I used to wear a liquor jacket out ever night. Now I’m freezing outside because I can actually... MORE »
We Don’t Eat Meat….Or Products of Anything With Feelings
Ah yes, another “you know you go to Cornell when” photo. This is more than that though. This is a warning sign. If you see this car be cautious, the people on board are angry because they are most likely hungry. Additionally they are probably mad at you because you support hydrofracking even though you... MORE »
The Giants v. The 49ers: From a Guy Who Doesn’t Know About Sports
So you’re probably thinking, why don’t I know anything about sports? I am a guy and I want to join a frat. Not the typical stereotype now, am I? Yeah, breaking barriers! Anyway, I played sports when I was a kid. Standard, Little League and soccer where everyone runs around chasing the ball and there... MORE »
You’ve Done it Again. RIP Palms O’Clock.
Dear Cornell, Thank you. Sincerely, Graduating seniors and recent alums Yes, we thank you for all the hard work you have put in, to make us want to leave your campus, and be okay with the fact that our jobs are so competitive and demanding that we are unable to make the trip to come... MORE »
Drunk Letters To Santa (Cornell)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! YOOO FAT WHITE BIIIITCH!!! So like my bizniss manager sed it’d be a good meiffovve to write you a lettttter about shit I wnt in my... MORE »
Transfer Pride: I used to go to Maryland
I used to go to a real school. One where there were tailgates and acid dropping on a Monday at 6pm before Lab and a real Greek Week/Homecoming. Ah yes and one where the Jewish Council students broke it down real hard in the library during finals week. At Cornell we have Club Mann…..at UMD... MORE »
Stripping Your Way Across Cornell: A Cornell Basement Guide Around Campus
Click it and zoom…..zoom, zoom, zoom. MORE »