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Student Bombs Orgo Final: Thirteen Dead and Four Left Wounded.

Article by dang

December 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Investigation pending.

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◄ Campus Dining to transform Baja Grill in 2012

Weekly Sex with the CB Staff: Virginity ►

December 10, 2011

Finals Fornication

It is terribly important that we all at Cornell, get A’s on every exam and every paper. But, the most important weeks of our year come in December and May. Finals week. From interviews and experience Cornell Basement has found that the ultimate key to success during Finals Week is sex. Yes, you can be... MORE »

November 12, 2011

Why You Do Not Want Gandalf As Your Organic Chemistry Professor

September 20, 2010

Cornell Football Sucks

Last year I went to one Cornell home football game. It was homecoming so I don’t remember much, but what I do remember was that the cheerleaders were far more entertaining. I left the game after what I would say was probably five or ten minutes right about the time when the opposing team, Fordham... MORE »

November 16, 2011

Cornell Hillel Presents: The Big Red Bris

In an effort to uphold everlasting Jewish traditions, Cornell Hillel hosted a Big Red Bar Mitzvah in Duffield Hall this past weekend. The goal of the event was to provide the opportunity for students, who had not previously held the sacred ceremony, to become Bar or Bat Mitzvot. But Hillel did not stop there. Yesterday... MORE »

December 16, 2011

Mann Library Sees Increased Attendance Through Rental of Sex Rooms

In attempt to attract more students to the library and to reduce student stress during finals week, Mann library converted all of its rarely-used study rooms into sex rooms. This initiative was sponsored by Cornell CARES, and proved to be a major hit over the course of study week. “Hardly anybody would ever rent out... MORE »

April 21, 2012

Reaction to Taio Cruz for Slope Day on Facebook

September 30, 2010

Student Sentenced to 35-Life for Jaywalking

Over the past year, CUPD received numerous complaints about students jaywalking. Many students, for whatever reason (texting) decided to disobey pedestrian traffic laws, causing various close calls wherein motorists came within inches of running over a Cornell student. Recently, CUPD has decided to do something about it. On Thursday, September 16th at 3:23... MORE »

February 24, 2011

omgFreeFood

There is an awesome completely free events service at Cornell called omgFreeFood (www.omgfreefood.com). On this site you can see all the events happening in and around Cornell in a clean, filterable, and search-able fashion. Find any event offering free food with the click of a button! There is even a calendar view. You can also... MORE »

May 5, 2011

Songs for Slope Day

So, in celebration of me finishing my classes (read: me skipping my last classes today because it’s kind of nice out and I really don’t care about them), I thought I’d do something productive with my day besides playing video games/day-drinking (actually I’m already doing that) by putting up some songs for you to start... MORE »

April 13, 2012

Dobby the House Elf Will Hold Town-Hall Forum at Lynah Rink

Dobby the House Elf, the magical creature from the Harry Potter franchise whose cuteness and silly way of talking has drawn the adoration of college student nationwide, will speak at Cornell’s Lynah Rink on April 19, according to Cornell House-Elf Liberation Front Chair Seamus Shacklebolt, ’13. Dobby is planning to attend rallies on 30 college... MORE »

February 26, 2012

Big Sent On Academic Leave For Not Loving Little Enough

Sophomore Emma Kirshin was sent home this week by Gannett health services after failing to display “an adequate level of cultish love and fervor” for her little. New sorority pledge and little Abby Tanger was upset when she entered her room to find only cookies, balloons, and candies. Standard protocol dictates that bigs must shower... MORE »

January 31, 2012

Skorton Credits First Bornâ€™s Blood Sacrifice for Warm Weather

ITHACA, NY-When Cornell University President David Skorton announced last month that he was going to sacrifice his first born child in an effort to snatch the NYC tech bid, Cornellian’s were quite skeptical. It seems as though Skorton has proved countless students wrong in not only earning the tech bid, but also in ensuring pleasurable weather for... MORE »

January 23, 2012

#RushWeek2012

Disclaimer: The frat you join in no way reflects your sexual orientation. Unless you’re a GDI in which case you are most definitely “a gay.” MORE »

January 5, 2012

Bottom 5 Worst Places To Vacation (Cornell)

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! 1. Jerry Sandusky’s Most Frequented Playground Hitting up the playground with your 4th grade bros during school vacation is the best. But nothing sucks more than... MORE »

December 30, 2011

Our New Year’s Resolutions 2012 (Cornell)

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite!Having reflected upon the past year we here at Cornell Campus Basement have realized we’ve done some really bad things. Like, we’ve made really some awful decisions. ... MORE »

December 18, 2011

Cornell Economists Determine Jesus Christ’s Patronage of Tim Tebow to be â€œInefficientâ€ and â€œNot conducive to solving legitimate world problems.”

Ithaca NY””Economists working in Cornell’s Policy Analysis Lab have recently discovered several flaws in Jesus Christ’s social policies. The economists, studying everything from theological infrastructures to econometrics, published a journal article last Monday noting discrepancies between Jesus Christ’s “plans for all creatures on earth” and football. The team learned that Jesus invested too much of... MORE »

December 11, 2011

This Is What I Made Instead Of Studying

Finals Week! MORE »

November 30, 2011

Cornell University: We are the 99%

November 8, 2011

Ithaca Is Broken

Somebody forgot to turn the cold back on. MORE »

November 2, 2011

Hitler Tries To Enroll In Classes. Hilarity Ensues.

*Author Unknown MORE »

October 31, 2011

The Most Interesting Man In The World Thoughts’ On Student Center

*Author Unknown MORE »

October 24, 2011

Mother Nature To Cornellians: Fuck You. All Of You.

SNOW IN OCTOBER?! MORE »

October 9, 2011

#OccupySesameStreet

October 2, 2011

Cornell University “Because You Can Sleep When You’re Dead.”

September 25, 2011

Freshman Finally Finds Opportunity To Use Condom Stored In His Wallet Since Seventh Grade

While September 21 was an ordinary day for most of us, twenty three seconds made that day extraordinary for one Cornell University freshman. September 21 marks the day young Joseph Bemlin lost his Virginity. The young collegiate recalls spending the night consuming alcoholic drinks with his friends at a fraternity event. While Joe had said... MORE »

September 18, 2011

Cornell Beats Bucknell In Stunning Homecoming Victory””Cornellians Too Busy Studying To Attend

Yesterday, on an ordinary crisp autumn day, twelve Cornellian’s witnessed a miracle. That miracle being Cornell’s first football win in over seventy two consecutive years. In their premier homecoming game, Cornell’s team reigned victorious over Bucknell in a 24-13 win. Coach Kent Austin was both ” ecstatic” and “humbled” by the astonishing win. Unfortunately, with about 97 percent of... MORE »

September 7, 2011

Skorton Declares War On Friendship””Ends Pledging

In an effort to set a national precedent, Cornell University President David Skorton has vowed to put an end to fraternity pledging. In his Op Ed article published by the NY Times, Skorton outlined his plan to end hazing and replace the pledging period with a more positive initiation term. Cornell has been the site of... MORE »

May 16, 2011

Cornell’s World Renown Human Bonding Lab Reveals That “Sex Feels Good”

This weekend Cornell’s own Dr. Stephen Knight attended a local human bonding and biology conference where the esteemed professor touted his laboratory’s most recent discovery: “Sex Feels Good”. The world renown scientist and nobel laureate studied human physiology in conjunction with psychological profiles to gauge whether sex provided young men and... MORE »

April 21, 2011

Cornell Administrators Forget Annual Child Sacrifice: Mother Nature Not Pleased

Cornellians were quite upset this morning when they woke up to clouds showering snow. Many students who thought winter ended in march were displeased by the inclement weather on the Hill. In an attempt to dissuade prospective students from worrying about the weather, Day Hall in conjunction with the Department of... MORE »

March 29, 2011

Acclaimed Cornell Quantum Physicist Admits “We make shit up 75 percent of the time”

This past weekend Cornell University hosted the Annual Eastern Seaboard Quantum Physics Consortium. The event, attended by hundreds of physicists studying Quantum Mechanics and Astro-Physics, was the stage of a shocking revelation. In his opening remarks, Professor Steve Holtz declared to a crowd of 700 that most of Quantum Mechanics is “make believe”. Holtz, who graduated... MORE »

Oakenshields Mexican Wednesday Leads to Shitocolypse

This is real news!

Click here to learn how to masturbate in the library

Cornell's World Renown Human Bonding Lab Reveals That "Sex Feels Good"

10 Facts You Didn't Know About Cornell

The Return of Music Monday

Cornell Economists Determine Jesus Christ's Patronage of Tim Tebow to be â€œInefficientâ€ and â€œNot conducive to solving legitimate world problems."

Administration Chuckles As Students Beg for a More Efficient CourseEnroll System

Student Bombs Orgo Final: Thirteen Dead and Four Left Wounded.

Big Sent On Academic Leave For Not Loving Little Enough

Skorton Credits First Bornâ€™s Blood Sacrifice for Warm Weather

#RushWeek2012

Bottom 5 Worst Places To Vacation (Cornell)

Our New Year’s Resolutions 2012 (Cornell)

Cornell Economists Determine Jesus Christ’s Patronage of Tim Tebow to be â€œInefficientâ€ and â€œNot conducive to solving legitimate world problems.”

This Is What I Made Instead Of Studying

Cornell University: We are the 99%

Ithaca Is Broken

Hitler Tries To Enroll In Classes. Hilarity Ensues.

The Most Interesting Man In The World Thoughts’ On Student Center

Mother Nature To Cornellians: Fuck You. All Of You.

#OccupySesameStreet

Cornell University “Because You Can Sleep When You’re Dead.”

Freshman Finally Finds Opportunity To Use Condom Stored In His Wallet Since Seventh Grade

Cornell Beats Bucknell In Stunning Homecoming Victory””Cornellians Too Busy Studying To Attend

Skorton Declares War On Friendship””Ends Pledging

Cornell’s World Renown Human Bonding Lab Reveals That “Sex Feels Good”

Cornell Administrators Forget Annual Child Sacrifice: Mother Nature Not Pleased

Acclaimed Cornell Quantum Physicist Admits “We make shit up 75 percent of the time”

Campus Basement Newsletter!

It's #Follow THURSDAY

Partners

Oakenshields Mexican Wednesday Leads to Shitocolypse

This is real news!

Click here to learn how to masturbate in the library

Cornell's World Renown Human Bonding Lab Reveals That "Sex Feels Good"

10 Facts You Didn't Know About Cornell

The Return of Music Monday

Cornell Economists Determine Jesus Christ's Patronage of Tim Tebow to be â€œInefficientâ€ and â€œNot conducive to solving legitimate world problems."

Administration Chuckles As Students Beg for a More Efficient CourseEnroll System

Student Bombs Orgo Final: Thirteen Dead and Four Left Wounded.

Campus Basement Newsletter!

It's #Follow THURSDAY

Partners

Cornell Economists Determine Jesus Christ's Patronage of Tim Tebow to be â€œInefficientâ€ and â€œNot conducive to solving legitimate world problems."