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Having reflected upon the past year we here at Cornell Campus Basement have realized we’ve done some really bad things. Like, we’ve made really some awful decisions.
1. Stop thinking everybody’s gay when you’re high. It makes everything awkward.
2. Ease up on the campusfood.com orders. IT’S GOING TO YOUR THIGHS.
3. Be nice to the homeless guy you peed on last week. He’s a nice guy
4. I know you want to but stop having sex with stephanie. She’s tearing out your heart piece by piece.
5.Be nicer to your brothers.
6. Taking poops in people’s shoes when you’re drunk is not acceptable behavior for an adult. Stop it.
7. Stop lying to your parents.
8. Go to class more then once a week.
9. Don’t have sex with Stephanie.
10. Stop using hashtags on Facebook and in text messages #toolbag.
11.Do your laundry more often.
12. Distribution requirements are, in fact, real; start to give a crap about these.
13.Don’t pee in the bed when you’re drunk.
13a. Don’t pee in other people’s beds when your drunk
14. Sucking dick for an A+ is not ok, no matter how you justify it.
15. Stop stealing ketchup from the Wendys down the street. Start buying your own godamn ketchup.
16. Start going to the gym more often
17.Besides the fact that she’s evil she definitely has herpes, just stop it.