And you thought your “douche” of a psychology professor
should go “shove it.”

“Yeah, I gotta say that before Professor Cox moved up the
final exam to the last day of class, I thought he was a total asshat,” said
fraternity brother Boner Jones. “I mean, I was getting D’s on his papers and
tests because he hated me so much. We had our verbal tiffs, but since he moved
up the test, he is such an O.G. now. He makes Snoop Dogg look like some old
fogie, and that’s tough because Snoopy smokes drugs on the reg.”

Students from universities across the nation are reporting
that many professors are becoming “awesome” and “dope” simply because they are
moving their final exams from the proverbial finals week to the last day of
class. Students are also reporting that the announcement is usually followed by
applause and laughter, provoking an unfunny joke by the Professor that
immediately kills the joy in the room.

After coming back to school from Thanksgiving break, the students
in the class were eager to go back home even if it meant one less week of
studying. “Alright listen,” prefaced All-American football lineman Shoulders
McPherson, “I would much rather jerk off at home than jerk off in my dorm room.
So the fact that my professors moved up my tests is pretty swell.”

Reports are that McPherson will not take his tests anyways
since he has a BCS Bowl Game to play in the very next day.

Students are all in concurrence that a professor who has made
the decision to move up a final exam has reached “baller status,” ergo making
him a “baller shot caller” and rendering him a “baller blocker” no more.

language of this article was inspired by an evening of listening to Ice Cube
and surfing Urban Dictionary.