All couples are different… but pretty much the same.
That being said, Here are the types of couples you’ll encounter on a college campus.
The Happy couple
Dan and Melissa have been dating for about a year now. They enjoy each others company. They face rocky situations here and there but it’s nothing a good talk can’t fix.
Dan: “You’re the best, I’m so glad we met.”
Melissa: “I was just gonna say that!”
The New Way Too Happy Couple
Brandon just asked Cheryl out and she couldn’t be more ecstatic! They are totes in love and everyone should be jealous. He’s so fair and smart, she’s so fun and crazy! They’re perfect! Sometimes she even holds the door for him! LOL Fuck you Brandon and Cheryl. Come see us in a few months.
Cheryl: “He showed up to my work with a single rose and a box of chocolates!”
Ronald can’t get enough of Sylvania. He waits for her texts all day, he smiles when he sees her name or a picture. He greets her with candy and delectable rare fruits from around the world. Occasionally he smells her shoes to get a whiff of her godliness. Too bad she barely even cares enough to find out his favorite artist (a tie between Billy Joel and Bjork).
Ronald: “Babe, you’re perfect. Everything you do is as graceful as a gazelle.”
Sylvania: “You’re fun.”
The Cheating But He Doesn’t Know
Things seem to be going alright in Syd and Danielle’s world. She has a bad past with cheating on boyfriends but Syd knows that’s an old stage in her life. Don’t be too secure there Syd, maybe think twice before letting “Dani” go loose. Quite literally. In between kegstands and shots of Malibu she’s doin the dirty with the players and tools at the party. Syd sits at home and sleeps peacefully in his racecar bed.
Syd: “Babe, I’m pretty tired, you go out and have fun, I’ll be alright.”
Danielle: “Okay… By the way, where are your condoms? I want to see if we need more.”
The Cheating But She Doesn’t Know
Dana was such a nice girl all through her life. She has this special attraction to tools and it always gets her hurt. But Spencer is different, she knows it. As she goes to sleep early to study for her chem test tomorrow, Spence is out bangin hooters girls and sharing beer bongs with sorority girls. Sleep tight jitterbug.
Spencer: “You should probably get some sleep, you have a long day tomorrow. I’m just gonna go out to Craig’s for a few beers, maybe a round of pong.”
The Dragged Out Wayyyy Too Long
We get it, you’ve been dating a long time. You’re like an old married couple. You’d rather watch the food network on any given night than socialize with the once in a lifetime college crowd. Their genitals need to be dusted of cobwebs. Maybe sit the next few plays out guys, you’re boring the world.
“We should probably have sex to remember what it’s like.”
PART 2 COMING SOON