“Who doesn’t love the General Education classes?” is the question with which USC President C.L. Max Nikias started off his public statement yesterday. And while somebody should have said, “NOBODY,” nobody did and he went on thinking that everyone does. In front of a small group of advisors and higher-ups here at the university, President Nikias announced that since the GE classes have been such a constant “hit” amongst the student body, that the university has decided to add more classes to the requirement that every student needs to graduate.


And the classes seem to be just as bland and pointless as ever to get a degree in something not even remotely related to any of this stuff. Here’s a list of the new categories and a sample of the classes in each that you have to look forward to for next fall’s semester:


Category VII: Counter Cultures and Traditions

  • ECON 204 – The Kitchen Counter
  • ECON 304 – The Bathroom Counter
  • HIST 102 – Johnny Grey and the Creation of the Countertop
  • CSCI 103 – Technically, it’s a Calculator


Category VIII: Even More Science because It’s Obviously Going To Help You Later

  • ANTH 108 – You’re Still a Monkey
  • BISC 142 – Scatology: The Importance of Fecal Matter
  • REL 119 – The Science of the Bible
  • PHIL 219 – There is No Science in the Bible
  • PSYC 200 – One of You Will Be a Serial Killer After This Class


Category IX: Numbers, Letters, and Society

  • MATH 123 – 0-10: The First Ten Numbers
  • ENGL 220 – L, M, N, O, and P: Not One Multi-Syllable Letter, Despite the Song
  • SOCI 152 – Social Societies and Their Sociological Impact on Society