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tagged election »
Windows Media Player wins Florida’s Electoral Votes
The voting machine issues that once again plagued The Sunshine State this election seemed to have been resolved with the decision to award Florida’s 29 electoral votes to Windows Media Player. The default software won nearly 80% of the votes cast after Dieitalics Voting Systems employees accidentally left the “open at start-up box” checked-in. Many... MORE »
Local Uninformed Idiot Guilted Into Voting By Facebook Friends
Election Day: Local dimwit John Thurpwood was guilt-tripped by his Facebook friends into visiting his designated polling place and voting in the US presidential election today, despite not knowing anything about the candidates or their positions on various political issues. “I wasn’t really going to vote since I’m not into politics and I didn’t watch... MORE »
Candidates Seek Women’s Vote By Slyly Condescending Just Like Mom Used To
With the election swiftly approaching like a hurricane, and each candidate trying to be the one to leave half the nation in devastation, the race for votes has never been closer. Earlier this week Gov. Mitt Romney learned that women now have the right to vote, and that he has completely neglected the demographic. As... MORE »
Obama and Romney Agree to Disagree, Cancel Final Debate
US presidential candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney have mutually decided to cancel the final televised debate tonight, citing the fact that no matter how much they argue back and forth, there’s really nothing they can say at this point that will change each other’s or viewers’ minds and they should probably just go ahead... MORE »
CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Why Does Obama Keep Coming to the U?
Heeee’s Baraaacck! That’s right ladies and gentleman, President Barack Obama has made yet another trip down to the U—his 3rd visit in only 8 months…Coincidence? I THINK NOT! The Miami basement staff is determined to leave no ROCK unturned and to expose our President’s secret motives. 1. Love child with Donna Shalala You heard it... MORE »
Romney Says Obama is Anti-Christ
In a shocking revelation, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney suggested that President Obama has purged God from his heart, citing Obama’s last minute request to reinsert ‘God’ into the platform at the DNC convention after it had been removed. Progressive blogger and Unitarian Pastor Kimberly Blume-Jackson rebutted, “How dare Romney or anyone else say the... MORE »
Artists finally speak about Carter’s presidential aspirations
The music community’s reaction Sean “Jay-Z” Carter’s presidential candidacy has been mostly non-existent, but it seems that now artists are starting to realize the legitimacy of the campaign, many of them finally broadcasting their feelings about the rap star and business moguls campaign. Among them was fellow hip-hop great Nasir “Nas” Jones”. Carter and Jones... MORE »