Due to an unprecedented number of complaints, the capping course has been removed from the requirements for business majors. Surveys indicate that 94% of business majors felt that the capping course was “too much work.”

The course, in which students analyze a company and then write a paper about their findings, was deemed “far too difficult” by Dean Alexander of the School of Management. “We can’t expect our students to write up a 20-page paper during their senior year after they spent the three years prior doing little to no work. It’s a ludicrous idea!”

“It took me almost two days to write up my paper,” said alumnus Robert Jefferson. “It was the most work I had ever done at Marist and, quite frankly, I was not happy about it. You can only use Wikipedia so much before you have to start forming your own ideas. Not cool, Marist.”

Students outside of the School of Management, however, were not as enthusiastic about the change. Stephen White, a Computer Science major, said, “I had to write a 90-page paper about how a computer chip works and these fuckers can’t handle a 20-pager about why J.P. Morgan Chase has a lot of money? Bullshit.”

Marist officials could not be reached for comment. Because we did not try to reach them.

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