It’s getting to be that wonderful time of the year. Flowers are blooming. Finals aren’t quite here yet. And Rick Santorum is beginning to show his true colors (or hatred for people thereof).

Ah, spring time. And of course, with spring comes a dreaded time for high school seniors, anxiously awaiting notice from a university on whether or not they’ll be able to drop hundreds of thousands of dollars to be gainfully unemployed as soon as they’re done: time for acceptance letters from universities.

There’s nothing more degrading than being rejected by a university. After all, getting rejected from a job means that the company does not want to pay you for providing a service. Being rejected from a university means that the school despises you as a human being to such an extreme that they will not even let you pay them so that you can set foot in a classroom on their campus.

For those fortunate enough to not find a letter in their mailbox that instantly propels them, crying, to the bath tub to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack and listen to The Cure with the lights dimmed, this also means you get a notice from the university on just how much of your (parents’) hard-earned money will go toward your education. For some, this may seem like a daunting bit of financial information that can lead to questions like, “What are these “personal expenses” that are going to cost $1600 and how do they know what I’m buying?” Luckily, those of us who have experienced any level of collegiate academia at this point know what those fees are really for.

To find out what I mean, scroll over the text below to reveal exactly what your money is buying.

Tuition: $35,690
We use really nice font and stuff on our diplomas!
Housing: $10,150
Ludicrous for your 8×8 cell, but the cost does anticipate all the vomit stains and holes you’re going to put in the walls
Meal Plans: $2,570
All lab research to figure out how to best disguise the taste of rat meat. And then cover us in the event of food poisoning.
Fees: $1,371
We only put this on here in the hopes that you’ll include it in our final check without asking what it’s for. Hope it works!
Books: $1,526
You’re a freshman, so you don’t know that you’re only going to use two books. Which still tallies approximately $900.
Personal Expenses: $1,000
You’re going to buy a lot of alcohol. And a fake ID. And marijuana. And then a lot more alcohol. And possibly a keggerator.
Travel: $800
Trust us, you’re gonna wanna get out of here once in a while. Especially when you see the size of your dorm…and the asshole we paired you with in it…
Total:  $53,107
Looks like your friends who went to community college weren’t so stupid after all, hm?