Early saturday morning, Freshman Silas Fischler was abruptly sexiled from his dorm room by his over eager roommate who was just returning from his first college party. Fischler was rushed out of his living quarters due to his roommates uncertainty about how long the girl he brought home would be able to sustain consciousness. Never having seen a girl as willing as this one to admit she wanted to have sex, Fischler decided he should leave as quickly as possible. Judging by the girls actions Fischler knew the girl was either intoxicated or his roommate had used the line he always used when he wanted to seem interesting. The line of corse being asking her to watch The Doors biopic film with Val Kilmer and telling her he felt as if he was the reincarnation of Jim Morrison.

I met Fischler to get the story at his favorite place on campus, the new Kings Dinging Hall. Such a place only a freshman could call his favorite, the rest of us just want Cafe 84 back with it’s sweet Jamba Juice. I found Fischler updating his twitter about a game of Words With Friends he had just played where he got to play the word, “schist,” and decided it was noteworthy that he played a word so close to a word for poopoo. When Fischler saw me he smiled at me as if one of the songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack had just come on his iPod and quickly began his story saying, “So, I went down to the common area after I got kicked out like any good roommate would. I sat back in the chair and reached in my right pocket to grab my phone and realized I had left it in the room that was now being sexually activated by my roommate.” Little did Fischler realize that the dorm room had been around for decades and bared witness to the ugly face of meaningless sex more than even a quarterback hero turned DJ could. Fischler continued frantically saying, “I began to panic! but not in a cool way like if I was at a disco, or in a room full of people proving I was unique in some way. It was the bad kind of panic! I was alone in a room realizing that I could be getting tweeted at, or someone could be posting a video from youtube that has something to one of the things they think I’m interested in in an attempt to keep in touch, or an ex-girlfriend could have sent me an inbox message, or being overwhelmed with turns on Draw Something. I became short of breath. My mind always goes to the worst possible outcomes.” Fischler leaned back now and took a sip of his hot cocoa he got from the coffee machine seemingly for the sole purpose of building suspense in his story.

Fischler put his cocoa down and looked up at me seriously saying, “I looked through the window between me and the dorm room containing my connection to the world. My mind went blank and thoughtless without the excessive visual stimulant of the retina display as I watched the neck tie hanging from the doorknob blow in the air conditioning.” acting wiser all of a sudden with his lower eyelids seemingly trying to reach the top ones, Fischler turned his head to focus his stare past me and said, “I gazed out, through the bars on the window facing outside. Looking down on the world from my caged institution, the bars a symbol of separation in a world that should be united as one. I realized all we had was each other and the impact we make on one another, a social artwork on an infinite canvas. In that moment with that fleeting thought, I found God.” Fischler leaned forward confidently, after saying that too loudly, and looked around to see if any girls had heard him.

He finally calmed down from his dramatic performance enough to finish his story by saying, “I then spent another half hour trying to get that fleeting thought back, but I couldn’t seem to remember how I got there in the first place. I guess that’s the thing about God, you can’t find him for too long… thats why it’s called faith. I got back into my room and checked my phone and didn’t have any notifications after all that.” My confused but not surprised expression seemed to throw him off as he shot me a smile of brotherhood and said, “The world may have survived without connecting with me for that fateful three quarters of an hour, but I intend to make sure it never has to again.”