are very much like fortune cookies””they are as insightful as they are tasty. Relax,
I’m kidding! They’re NOT insightful (they’re just tasty). In fact, every once in awhile you get a
really stupid fortune cookie that likes giving a lot of homework.
Don’t get me
wrong: I’ve loved a staggering 35% of my Hof-Profs. But even so, everybody’s
had his or her bad experiences with “em.
Nearly all conflicts with professors arise from miscommunication, and
since professors are ALWAYS bland and boring it can be hard to decipher what
they truly mean. Fellow students
are always coming up to me saying: “Nick!
If only there were some way to translate our professors’ language!” Usually I’d respond with: “Who the hell let you in here? Get out of the
stall!” But today, I have a solution for us all! I have put together a
brief list of key phrases professors tend to use and translated into language
us young adults can understand. Here it is:
1. PROF SAYS: Sorry I’m late”¦there was a
long line in the cafeteria
PROF MEANS: CPK takes their sweet ass time
with my Panini
2. PROF SAYS: Please do not eat in class
PROF MEANS: Holy shit that smells delicious
3. PROF SAYS: I don’t monitor attendance
PROF MEANS: You don’t have to be here
4. PROF SAYS: Sorry I’m late I was in an
PROF MEANS: Hempstead Turnpike = The Autobahn
5. PROF SAYS: I’ll post the review sheet
PROF MEANS: I’ll post the review sheet on
Blackboard if I feel like it
6. PROF SAYS: Please break into your groups
PROF MEANS: Leave me to my Sudoku
7. PROF SAYS: That’s an excellent
PROF MEANS: I’ve got no fucking clue
9. PROF SAYS: Don’t wait until the last
PROF MEANS: SUX 2 B YOU RN LOLZ
10. PROF SAYS: Jeeze, you’ve got to kill
somebody to get a parking spot!
PROF MEANS: I’ve just murdered someone in the
11. PROF SAYS: There are no dumb questions
PROF MEANS: There are, however, dumb students
12. PROF SAYS: Happy studying!
PROF MEANS: LOL GOOD LUCK SUCKAZ