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October 31, 2012

North Korea reunites with South Korea after watching “Gangnam Style” YouTube video

Although it seems too good to be true, North Korea and South Korea have decided to reunite with each other after North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un finally watched the popular “Gangnam Style” music video by South Korean rapper Psy. Jong-Un met with South Korean Prime Minister Kim Hwang-Sik yesterday to sign a pact that would... MORE »

October 19, 2012

Third Presidential Debate cancelled; Presidential Cage Match to be held instead

Only a few days after the second Presidential debate between President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney, the third debate was cancelled and will be replaced with the first ever Presidential Cage Fight. The United States Debate Organizer Squad (USDOS) conceived the idea after watching Romney and Obama exchange trash talk during the previous debate,... MORE »

September 29, 2012

Gonga and Penguin split up over creative differences

Speaker’s Circle on the University of Missouri campus has never seemed so quiet, as Gonga, the accordion-playing gorilla, and Penguin, his drummer/bird counterpart, split up Tuesday afternoon after a disagreement over creative control of their music. Sources said the duo had been fighting over creative control ever since they started playing together. “Gonga like to... MORE »

September 21, 2012

Mizzou professors, janitors, others to receive Nike Pro Combat uniforms

After University of Missouri athletic teams received new Nike uniforms, Mizzou professors, janitors, residential life staff, and others will also be receiving Nike Pro Combat uniforms to commemorate the school’s change into the Southeastern Conference (SEC). The new uniforms resemble football jerseys, complete with numbers, names on the back, and even the SEC logo on... MORE »

September 14, 2012

Discovery of Mizzou II Initiates Change of “One Mizzou” Motto

After the discovery of what experts are calling “Mizzou II,” University of Missouri officials and administrators met yesterday to consider changing the school’s lame “One Mizzou” motto. The University’s Motto Creating Team (UMCT) discussed the future of the “One Mizzou” motto and what the alternatives to the cliché slogan are. “Every single one of us... MORE »