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December 26, 2011

Pubic Safety Department

Perhaps taking to heart my comments concering the competence and overall affectiveness of the public “safety” department, the Hofstra boner strokers and ass shakers (let’s be honest, the economy is tough) have decided to do something practical and useful for the entirety of the student body. In between handing over cash to Bernie Madoff and... MORE »

December 19, 2011

A Very Kahrispy Kristmas

Hofstra’s public safety department has a long and proud history of ensuring the minimal safety of the public, and by “public”, we mean “2 1/2 people”, and that’s on a good day. “Good days” meaning that for the public safety officers at Hofstra, it might as well be the battle of Iwo Jima. They very... MORE »

December 12, 2011

Professors looking forward to stress, sexual thrill, of finals week

Finals week is known within the bowels of every college across the country, and DeVry, as “more brootal” than even the most hymen shattering and sticky of frat initiations. Adderall, rope, and razor blade stocks all shoot sky high (but nowhere near as high as the students) and many freshman are weeded out, opting to... MORE »

December 6, 2011

Hofstra brings back football, shithead football fans, stabbings

After dropping the football program in 2009, and being without a football team, or greasy football fans, for the last two years, Hofstra is reintroducing football to their sports repertoire. “It’s been a long time coming”, says Hofstra President Stuart Rabinowitz. “After two years of just no football, the standard college campus ratio of homicidal... MORE »