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Cecil Newton will eat that bug for twenty dollars
Cecil Newton, father of top NFL prospect Cam Newton, will eat that bug for twenty dollars. Not that gross one, the small one on the sidewalk there. The embattled Reverend has come under fire recently for apparently soliciting fees of up to $180,000 to SEC colleges such as Mississippi State for his son’s services as... MORE »
Student Goes to Kimmel Food Court Sober on a Friday Night; Explodes
Memorial services will be held this upcoming week for SU student, Laurel Matowski. Laurel was studying for his Anthropology exam this upcoming week when he decided he was hungry and needed a snack. Allegedly, Laurel walked into the Kimmel Food Court and 2 a.m. and was met with widespread panic. “YOU NEED TO GET OUT!”... MORE »
Tridelts Buy Cakes For Fraternities
Last Monday, January 24 2011, the entire row celebrated new fraternity pledge classes as West 28th street was lined with buff, young, USC men wearing suits and ties for the first times in their lives. Amidst the collar-fixing and tie-tying lessons, each of the 20-something fraternities received an extra special surprise from the Delta... MORE »
Dear 21 Choices: I’ve found someone else.
Dear 21 Choices, Hopefully this won’t come as a total shock to you because I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job of dropping hints. The late night disappearances, the used spoons and cups in the trash that aren’t from you, the traces of red velvety satisfaction on my lips. If you can’t guess... MORE »
Students Distraught Over Lack of Subway Restaurants in USC Area
“There are some days where I feel like nobody cares,” an anonymous USC junior shook her head sadly one chilly December lunchtime. “I have to walk a couple blocks to get Subway, sometimes. It’s not right.” She turned away so I wouldn’t see her wipe away a tear. I saw. This hungry student is one... MORE »
Extended Family’s Terrible Jokes Drive Teenager to State of Madness Over Thanksgiving Dinner
Freshman Sean Clark recently checked into a mental institution this November break, presumably driven to an irreversible state of insanity in response to his extended family’s fruitless attempts at humor throughout their Thanksgiving dinner party at Aunt Tilly’s. Sean’s seemingly impossible family tree includes obscene amounts of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and significant others. The... MORE »
Every Store on Marshall Street Will Be a Sandwich Shoppe By Year’s End, States Bold Predictor
A Syracuse University student with a keen eye for the obvious has boldly predicted that every store on Marshall Street will be a “sandwich shoppe” by year’s end. Ronald Carlson noticed that there was a new Jrecks Subs on the popular shopping avenue, replacing “whatever the hell used to be there.” Jrecks now joins Subway,... MORE »
Egg Salad Sandwich in a Vending Machine
Found this in the basement of the IST school. Buying an egg salad sandwich from a human is offensive enough. I guess they ran out of Peanut M&M’s? MORE »
Otto Eats Cheerleader
Saturday’s football game wasn’t a total loss, at least not for Otto, the Syracuse mascot. Just after halftime of the game, Otto, in a football rage common to the SU community, decided to consume one of the cheerleaders, Becky Johnston. “Normally, Otto does that funny thing,” said Cheer Captain Hillary Denver, ever so poignantly, “you... MORE »