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The Giants v. The 49ers: From a Guy Who Doesn’t Know About Sports
So you’re probably thinking, why don’t I know anything about sports? I am a guy and I want to join a frat. Not the typical stereotype now, am I? Yeah, breaking barriers! Anyway, I played sports when I was a kid. Standard, Little League and soccer where everyone runs around chasing the ball and there... MORE »
Top 5 Sports That Would Put Miami Athletics Back on the Map
An appeal to the Miami athletics department: As another bowl season comes to a close, I think it’s time we reflect on our goals for UM athletics. Frankly, our football team is the only thing anyone really cares about and it’s in bad shape. We’ve got NCAA sanctions on the way and besides, the SEC is going to win every... MORE »
Giants Kicker Thrilled to Keep Job, Not Be Publicly Ostracized
After what can only be described as a rousing roll in the mud, the New York Giants have won their way into this year’s Super Bowl. For those of you who didn’t see the game, or are not within screaming distance of any football fans, the game was decided in overtime by a Laurence Tynes... MORE »
BCS Blah Blah Whatever Recap by My Girlfriend
This is a recap of last night’s BCS Championship game, as perceived by my girlfriend. So last night there was a football game between Alabama and LSU. I guess it was a big deal because my boyfriend made me DVR Gossip Girl so he could watch. And I figured, “Why not? It’ll give us something... MORE »
The BCS: What Is It?
It’s come down to this. The last game of the year. Winner take all. For all the marbles. No turning back. Other clichés. What am I talking about? Why, the BCS Championship, of course! But what, exactly, is the BCS Championship? It seems that no one really knows. And even if you explain it to... MORE »
15 Lateral in 62 Seconds – This is College Football
End Zone angle of the final play of Trinity vs. Millsaps Football. Down 24-16 with just over two minutes to go, Trinity’s Riley Curry scored to cut the lead to 24-22. After a missed two point conversion attempt, Trinity’s defense held Millsaps to a three-and-out without using any timeouts. The Tigers were left with two... MORE »
Cornell Economists Determine Jesus Christ’s Patronage of Tim Tebow to be “Inefficient†and “Not conducive to solving legitimate world problems.”
Ithaca NY””Economists working in Cornell’s Policy Analysis Lab have recently discovered several flaws in Jesus Christ’s social policies. The economists, studying everything from theological infrastructures to econometrics, published a journal article last Monday noting discrepancies between Jesus Christ’s “plans for all creatures on earth” and football. The team learned that Jesus invested too much of... MORE »
Hofstra brings back football, shithead football fans, stabbings
After dropping the football program in 2009, and being without a football team, or greasy football fans, for the last two years, Hofstra is reintroducing football to their sports repertoire. “It’s been a long time coming”, says Hofstra President Stuart Rabinowitz. “After two years of just no football, the standard college campus ratio of homicidal... MORE »
I Have A (Rivalry-Related) Dream
I found out yesterday that Will Forte thinks I’m a douchebag. After some research, it turns out this Hollywood fancy-man Forte is something called a comedian, and it’s likely this is an exaggeration for humorous purposes (ha! ha!) ““ but in the time it took me to figure that out, I’ve discovered some people take... MORE »