Not to bring up old matters, but WHO SAID YES to those DAMN
OVERHEAD LIGHTS in Whispers. The University has forced me to call it”¦.Whispers
time of death: 10:07AM February, 13th 2012. The minute I swung open
the outrageously heavy Whispers door on Monday morning, and my eyes were
greeted by the blinding new fluorescent lights, I knew in my heart of hearts
that Whispers was no longer considered “cool.” First off, sunglasses are now
required in this hell hole, and everyone should be wearing sunscreen at all
times. The UV rays are out of this world. There is a high possibility that the
palm trees in Whispers are actually marijuana leaves, and these bright bright
lights are being used to grow this illegal substance. Other possibilities
include that Whispers is prepping to be the new location of a big MGM feature
film Naughty Librarian.Seven students have gone to SHS this
week reporting sudden blindness and third degree burns.

This is a legitimate public health concern. Please do not
take this lightly. Yes, we are lucky they are not strobe lights, but if only
they could be blacklights, Whispers might have some tiny chance of regaining its

This is not just an individual issue. One student in
particular is up in arms, and is in the beginning stages of planning a school-wide
protest. Mia Parcus remarks, “these lights are a form of institutional oppression, and I will not stand for it.”

We need to take action as a community. Write your congressman,
knock on the Chancellor’s bowling room door, just let the people in power know
that we mean business.

Meanwhile, I will keep looking for the master light switch
to turn these motherfuckers off for good.