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October 14, 2012 1 Comment

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Why Does Obama Keep Coming to the U?

Heeee’s Baraaacck! That’s right ladies and gentleman, President Barack Obama has made yet another trip down to the U—his 3rd visit in only 8 months…Coincidence?  I THINK NOT!  The Miami basement staff is determined to leave no ROCK unturned and to expose our President’s secret motives. 1.    Love child with Donna Shalala You heard it... MORE »

February 29, 2012

International Waiting-in-Line-Symposium Coming to Miami This Spring

The National Society for Line Waiting announced this week that due to the overwhelming amount of students who have been forming lines to get tickets to events such as President Obama’s speech last week and Billy Joel’s Q&A in March, the University of Miami would have the honor of hosting the annual “International Waiting-In-Line-Symposium.” The prestigious event features all... MORE »

February 7, 2012

What Your Youtube Viewing History Says About You

There are millions of videos on YouTube, with content ranging from laser cats to fail blogs. As college students we have come to love YouTube for allowing us to express ourselves, and also for giving us the opportunity to watch away the precious hours of our lives watching fat kids falling off of things, shitty cover bands, and undiscovered... MORE »

January 31, 2012

Shalala Writes Letter of Thanks to Penn State, Syracuse

Earlier this week, Donna Shalala, President of the University of Miami sent letters of gratitude to both Penn State and Syracuse. In her messages Shalala graciously thanked the schools’ athletic departments for their roles in scandals that various media outlets have widely proclaimed as being the most shocking and inexcusable in the history of college sports. Shalala described the incidents as... MORE »

January 23, 2012

Top 5 Sports That Would Put Miami Athletics Back on the Map

An appeal to the Miami athletics department: As another bowl season comes to a close, I think it’s time we reflect on our goals for UM athletics. Frankly, our football team is the only thing anyone really cares about and it’s in bad shape. We’ve got NCAA sanctions on the way and besides, the SEC is going to win every... MORE »