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  • Dorm Homecoming Barbecue Defies Odds, Is Rousing Success

  • Google privacy policy: will share personal information "only if asked really nicely?"

  • What Parents Should Really Get Their College Kids for Christmas

  • Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Cialis!

  • "Safety Dance" Outlawed; Second Civil War Ends

  • My Gay Rights Rant: Reppin' Blue Springs, MO

  • MU plans to close Geography Department, citing irrelevance

  • Jake's Movie Monday: Twittervention

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Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week; Happy ‘Smurfday’ BITCH

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Article by Shermysherm11
April 23, 2012 at 3:41 am

◄ Student’s First Boy-Girl Sleepover Spoiled By Homesickness
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Week in Review: You say goodbye, and I say NEWS ►
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April 10, 2013

Student Files Restraining Order Against Ex-Girlfriend after Quadruple Text

Monday following spring break,  MU student Brad O’Neal filed a restraining order in the local district court against classmate Katie Gladhill on the grounds that she was “being a total psycho bitch”. According to Mr. O’Neal, the two had ended their romantic relationship earlier in the semester and as spring break was approaching the texts... MORE »

March 6, 2013

Girl Gets Drunk, Cries About Nothing

MU student Sarah Stark was found on the back deck of AΣΣ’s house last Thursday, bawling her eyes out for no apparent reason. “One second I see her up on the table dancing with a guy I’m almost certain she’s never met, and the next second she’s falling all over me sobbing, ‘I wanna go... MORE »

February 28, 2013

Alpha Sigma Sigma Builds Coat Room, Becomes Top Frat on Campus

In a recent poll conducted by the MU Greek System, Alpha Sigma Sigma, Mizzou’s formerly lowest-ranked fraternity by female students, has recently been rated “Top House on Campus.” Though experts are citing a number of reasons for the rankings upset, female students asked about their sudden change in heart towards the fraternity, nearly all mentioned... MORE »

February 20, 2013

PhD Candidates Cite Social Justice FIG as Inspiration

Today, during a press conference that nobody asked for, several doctoral candidates of Sociology and Political Science at the University of Missouri cited the Social Justice Freshmen Interest Group program, or FIG for short, as an inspiration for their further pursuits. The FIG meets once every week for an hour to discuss issues that mostly... MORE »

February 6, 2013

Top Ten Pop Culture Predictions of 2013

1. Kim Kardashian gives birth on live television, baby Kimye eats its way out of Kim’s uterus Twilight-style. Kris Jenner promptly sells the newborn’s life rights to E!. 2. Anne Hathaway punches Best Actress winner Jessica Chastain at the Oscars: “I SHAVED MY HEAD FOR THIS.” 3. Leonardo DiCaprio decides to move to daytime television... MORE »

February 5, 2013

MU Brony Club and Collegiate Horsemen’s Associates engage in barn clearing brawl

Sparks flew last Tuesday between Mizzou’s respected Collegiate Horsemen’s association and the newly instated Brony club. It started as an argument over Pinky Pie and her relevance to horse grooming culture and standards, but quickly escalated into an all out brawl in the horse stables behind Hatch Hall. There were no fatalities, though several horse... MORE »

January 30, 2013

Anime Cosplayers and Dubstep Enthusiasts Plan Massive Party, Record Low Attendance Expected

Both anime cosplayers and dubstep enthusiasts alike have grown tired of being relatively companionless, and reports are surfacing that members from both subcultures have converged to plan what they believe will be the greatest, most life-changing party ever. The idea was the brainchild of Japanophile Chris Petersson, who Facebooked one entire acquaintance, Steven Clark, an... MORE »

January 29, 2013

Mizzou’s Twerk Team Turns Heads, Werks Dat Booty

Mizzou’s best-kept secret, its Twerk Team, has gained a substantial amount of notoriety this week after a record seventh place finish at the Middle America Collegiate Twerking Classic. Competing against fourteen teams from neighboring states, the Tiger twerkers proved not just to Missouri, but Illinois, Arkansas and other less relevant nearby states (Kansas) that there... MORE »

January 17, 2013

Gay men everywhere speak out in support of Manti Te’o: ‘We’ve all been there.”

Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o has recently come under fire since it was discovered that his late girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, never actually existed. In spite of the allegations and subsequent media frenzy, one group has surprisingly and publicly come out in support of Te’o: the gay community. “So what, he made up his girlfriend? That... MORE »

January 8, 2013

Cool College Guy Claims He’s Really Into Sports And Having Sex With Women

Last Thursday night Freshman Doyle Matheson admitted in conversation with a member of the opposite sex that he was “really into sports.” “Ladies love guys that are really into sports,” said Matheson, “which explains why I get it in on the regs.” As evidence of his love of sports, Matheson receives ESPN updates to his... MORE »

April 30, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Cialis!

THIS IS SO TRUE. MORE »

April 26, 2012

The Biggest Bullshitter Tournament

It’s getting toward the end of the year, and my writers are getting bored as shit. So, this is what I’ve come up with to occupy their time. It’s a little contest I like to call, “The Biggest Bullshiter.” And yes, I’m aware that’s not grammatically correct. I’ve given each writer a mythical creature to... MORE »

April 25, 2012

Hell Yeah Quidditch Team, Hell yeah!

Only took a deal with the mafia, 2 broken fingers and half a year to find these guys. But here it is, Mizzou’s quidditch team. And yes, the girl in the picture is trying to jump, “I want it to look like i’m flying!” MORE »

April 17, 2012

Rejected Headlines of the Week

DA SHIT. MORE »

April 17, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Sperm Guy

PAHAHAHAHAHA, this was really awkward to find in the middle of class. MORE »

April 10, 2012

Maneater releases annual April Fools Edition called ‘The Carpeteater’

On April 1, 2012 the Maneater, Mizzou’s primary newspaper, published their annual April Fools Edition. This year’s title: the Carpeteater. After years of doing an April Fools edition, their reign has come to an end with their latest edition of the Carpeteater. Not only did they throw in slurs toward women but managed to insult... MORE »

April 8, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week

] Well, shit just got weird. Real weird. Even Creepier? Well, I live 5 minutes away from Grain Valley. MORE »

April 5, 2012

One Liners of the Week

So, each week we propose ideas, we sit in our tiny little meeting room and attempt to make you and the rest of the people surfing the web show some teeth. These are all of the dunce pitches, the one who no one actually wants to write a story about but we feel as though... MORE »

April 2, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: The Reason Rally

I don’t know what this “Reason Rally” is, but apparently it’s a big party for atheists who enjoy spreading their words of wisdom…and…well, eating babies. MORE »

March 21, 2012

Creepy Ad of the Week; Hookers in KC

Who knew hookers were prominent in KC? MORE »

March 19, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week; Can I pee in your butt??

MORE »

March 17, 2012

One-Liners of the Week!

Cross country runner turns into pile of sticks Tiny dancer actually kind of fat Flat branch restaurant not actually frat branch, disappointed squirrel discovers Spanish turns out to be kind of a dick, no longer a romance language Local Satirist Runs Out of Ideas Smug Pile of Rags Mistaken For Journalism Student Mac pulls partnership... MORE »

March 17, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week; Darrel, YUM

Break me off a piece of this. MORE »

February 27, 2012

Santorum Deems College Unnecessary; Students Rebel

In a recent interview presidential candidate Rick Santorum said, “The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.” After hearing these wise words thousands of students around the world rebelled against their institutions all with the campaign, “Puppets no more!” Santorum is widely known to have a concrete... MORE »

February 26, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Found a Dildo

What the hell does her working for Perkins have to do with anything? MORE »

February 13, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week

“dead cats” (Vegas bound&gaggd) Date: 2012-02-11, 12:46PM CST I have a box full of them Anybody know a good place to dispose em? Well, Craigslist has hit a new creepy low. Let’s analyze. 1. Headline; dead cats.- I don’t like where this is going. 2. Vegas bound and Gaggd- uh.. so apparently this guy has... MORE »

February 13, 2012

Mizzou Memes

Since the dawn of unathleticism and staggering bitterness, web cretins have used memes (pictures of people/animals, each with a distinct and odd personality), to convey their wittiness to the great wasteland that is the Internet. For instance, the Insanity Wolf meme: a picture of a crazed wolf’s head embossed on a black-and-white background. Insanity Wolf’s... MORE »

February 7, 2012

Mizzou Also Gets 387th Pick; He deserves recognition too!

Dorial Greene-Beckham, Mizzou’s new football pride and joy, may have gotten most of the recognition, but he wasn’t the only one recently picked up by Mizzou. Mizzou also received the ESPNU’s 387th ranked player, Gene Troust, and he claims he deserves recognition as well. “I have worked so hard to play football in college, and... MORE »

February 1, 2012

My Gay Rights Rant: Reppin’ Blue Springs, MO

We all have our pet peeves. For some, it’s mayonnaise. For some, it’s the morning after a rough night when all you want is a water bottle. And for others, it’s the mirror pictures that 11-year-olds post to show their mosquito bites. For me, it’s when the gay community is disrespected. In my hometown of... MORE »

January 27, 2012

Quiz: What TV Stations Do the Commercials Go With?

Alright guys, lets play a game. Everyone knows that the advertising industry is generally pretty slanted, they have to be. Heck, they won’t ever sell anything if they aren’t (I mean really, who gives a shit about the Forever Lazy and it’s ass flap?). The advertisers play directly to what the public is watching. A... MORE »

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