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  • Campus-wide fear plagues MU campus; Beware of the Vending Machine

  • Top Ten Looks For Winter: They're All Leggings and Boots

  • Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Found a Dildo

  • Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, 'Cause MU's Meal Plans Are Gettin' Errbody Out Here!

  • MU's move to SEC prompts KFC to open 10 new locations in Columbia

  • "Safety Dance" Outlawed; Second Civil War Ends

  • Guys. That building across the street from Engineering West is totally haunted. I’m serious.

  • Brad Pitt Is At Mizzou!

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Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week; Can I pee in your butt??

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March 19, 2012 at 10:54 pm
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April 10, 2012

Romney Wipes Santorum off the Map

MORE »

February 26, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Found a Dildo

What the hell does her working for Perkins have to do with anything? MORE »

February 24, 2012

Obama Not Only Muslim But Pees Sitting Down

Shortly before President Obama was elected into office the nation was racked with fear that he might be of the Islamic faith. Now, with the 2012 election looming, it appears that Obama’s religion will be questioned once more. What voters need to know, however, is that there are more pressing issues regarding Obama that must... MORE »

March 19, 2012

Dorm newspaper meeting rescheduled for 5th straight semester

In the aftermath of the worldwide print media collapse, only one news source stands between the residents of Schurz Residence Hall and a media blackout. Rather, the resident run news publication The Schurz Tentacle would provide a beacon of news in an otherwise black abyss if it ever got published. The Tentacle gets its seemingly... MORE »

February 6, 2012

Jake’s Movie Monday: LSD, the Legging Skin Disorder

A Trend Gone Terribly Wrong MORE »

November 14, 2011

Marching Mizzou feels like “Party Rockin'”

Our marching band “Marching Mizzou” has struggled to gain the respect they deserve. It could be the obnoxious fuzzy hats, the anime band nerd stereotype or that their half time shows include music from the dark ages. But as the band has recently added “I just had sex,” to their playlist, they’ve found a way... MORE »

February 13, 2012

Mizzou Memes

Since the dawn of unathleticism and staggering bitterness, web cretins have used memes (pictures of people/animals, each with a distinct and odd personality), to convey their wittiness to the great wasteland that is the Internet. For instance, the Insanity Wolf meme: a picture of a crazed wolf’s head embossed on a black-and-white background. Insanity Wolf’s... MORE »

January 26, 2012

Student Wins iPod Shuffle, Instead Given First-Generation Zune

Mizzou basketball games have their own mixture of a family culture, fan pride and intense competition. None more so than at halftime, where there are a plethora of fan-participation competitions.  This year, a new game was introduced. A blind race””Truman collects the contestants’ shoes, the players face the student section, and Truman scatters shoes around... MORE »

November 6, 2011

Squirrels at Mizzou

Ever watch the “Asians in the library” video? Well, I wanted to prove that I could be just as cold and heartless as she is, so SUCK ON THAT squirrels. MORE »

September 25, 2012

Acid Shortage Dire, Artsy Students and Faculty Desperate

The availability of lysergic acid diethylamide has dropped 90 percent, and right-brained students across campus are becoming desperate. Professor Emeritus of Toxicology Marcus Johnston was arrested one week ago for the manufacture of the drug in the shed behind his house. Among the most severely affected by this shortage are students of Philosophy and English,... MORE »

April 30, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Cialis!

THIS IS SO TRUE. MORE »

April 26, 2012

The Biggest Bullshitter Tournament

It’s getting toward the end of the year, and my writers are getting bored as shit. So, this is what I’ve come up with to occupy their time. It’s a little contest I like to call, “The Biggest Bullshiter.” And yes, I’m aware that’s not grammatically correct. I’ve given each writer a mythical creature to... MORE »

April 25, 2012

Hell Yeah Quidditch Team, Hell yeah!

Only took a deal with the mafia, 2 broken fingers and half a year to find these guys. But here it is, Mizzou’s quidditch team. And yes, the girl in the picture is trying to jump, “I want it to look like i’m flying!” MORE »

April 23, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week; Happy ‘Smurfday’ BITCH

MORE »

April 17, 2012

Rejected Headlines of the Week

DA SHIT. MORE »

April 17, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Sperm Guy

PAHAHAHAHAHA, this was really awkward to find in the middle of class. MORE »

April 10, 2012

Maneater releases annual April Fools Edition called ‘The Carpeteater’

On April 1, 2012 the Maneater, Mizzou’s primary newspaper, published their annual April Fools Edition. This year’s title: the Carpeteater. After years of doing an April Fools edition, their reign has come to an end with their latest edition of the Carpeteater. Not only did they throw in slurs toward women but managed to insult... MORE »

April 8, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week

] Well, shit just got weird. Real weird. Even Creepier? Well, I live 5 minutes away from Grain Valley. MORE »

April 5, 2012

One Liners of the Week

So, each week we propose ideas, we sit in our tiny little meeting room and attempt to make you and the rest of the people surfing the web show some teeth. These are all of the dunce pitches, the one who no one actually wants to write a story about but we feel as though... MORE »

April 2, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: The Reason Rally

I don’t know what this “Reason Rally” is, but apparently it’s a big party for atheists who enjoy spreading their words of wisdom…and…well, eating babies. MORE »

March 21, 2012

Creepy Ad of the Week; Hookers in KC

Who knew hookers were prominent in KC? MORE »

March 17, 2012

One-Liners of the Week!

Cross country runner turns into pile of sticks Tiny dancer actually kind of fat Flat branch restaurant not actually frat branch, disappointed squirrel discovers Spanish turns out to be kind of a dick, no longer a romance language Local Satirist Runs Out of Ideas Smug Pile of Rags Mistaken For Journalism Student Mac pulls partnership... MORE »

March 17, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week; Darrel, YUM

Break me off a piece of this. MORE »

February 27, 2012

Santorum Deems College Unnecessary; Students Rebel

In a recent interview presidential candidate Rick Santorum said, “The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.” After hearing these wise words thousands of students around the world rebelled against their institutions all with the campaign, “Puppets no more!” Santorum is widely known to have a concrete... MORE »

February 26, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Found a Dildo

What the hell does her working for Perkins have to do with anything? MORE »

February 13, 2012

Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week

“dead cats” (Vegas bound&gaggd) Date: 2012-02-11, 12:46PM CST I have a box full of them Anybody know a good place to dispose em? Well, Craigslist has hit a new creepy low. Let’s analyze. 1. Headline; dead cats.- I don’t like where this is going. 2. Vegas bound and Gaggd- uh.. so apparently this guy has... MORE »

February 13, 2012

Mizzou Memes

Since the dawn of unathleticism and staggering bitterness, web cretins have used memes (pictures of people/animals, each with a distinct and odd personality), to convey their wittiness to the great wasteland that is the Internet. For instance, the Insanity Wolf meme: a picture of a crazed wolf’s head embossed on a black-and-white background. Insanity Wolf’s... MORE »

February 7, 2012

Mizzou Also Gets 387th Pick; He deserves recognition too!

Dorial Greene-Beckham, Mizzou’s new football pride and joy, may have gotten most of the recognition, but he wasn’t the only one recently picked up by Mizzou. Mizzou also received the ESPNU’s 387th ranked player, Gene Troust, and he claims he deserves recognition as well. “I have worked so hard to play football in college, and... MORE »

February 1, 2012

My Gay Rights Rant: Reppin’ Blue Springs, MO

We all have our pet peeves. For some, it’s mayonnaise. For some, it’s the morning after a rough night when all you want is a water bottle. And for others, it’s the mirror pictures that 11-year-olds post to show their mosquito bites. For me, it’s when the gay community is disrespected. In my hometown of... MORE »

January 27, 2012

Quiz: What TV Stations Do the Commercials Go With?

Alright guys, lets play a game. Everyone knows that the advertising industry is generally pretty slanted, they have to be. Heck, they won’t ever sell anything if they aren’t (I mean really, who gives a shit about the Forever Lazy and it’s ass flap?). The advertisers play directly to what the public is watching. A... MORE »

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