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Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week; Can I pee in your butt??
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Found a Dildo
What the hell does her working for Perkins have to do with anything? MORE »
Obama Not Only Muslim But Pees Sitting Down
Shortly before President Obama was elected into office the nation was racked with fear that he might be of the Islamic faith. Now, with the 2012 election looming, it appears that Obama’s religion will be questioned once more. What voters need to know, however, is that there are more pressing issues regarding Obama that must... MORE »
Dorm newspaper meeting rescheduled for 5th straight semester
In the aftermath of the worldwide print media collapse, only one news source stands between the residents of Schurz Residence Hall and a media blackout. Rather, the resident run news publication The Schurz Tentacle would provide a beacon of news in an otherwise black abyss if it ever got published. The Tentacle gets its seemingly... MORE »
Jake’s Movie Monday: LSD, the Legging Skin Disorder
A Trend Gone Terribly Wrong MORE »
Marching Mizzou feels like “Party Rockin'”
Our marching band “Marching Mizzou” has struggled to gain the respect they deserve. It could be the obnoxious fuzzy hats, the anime band nerd stereotype or that their half time shows include music from the dark ages. But as the band has recently added “I just had sex,” to their playlist, they’ve found a way... MORE »
Mizzou Memes
Since the dawn of unathleticism and staggering bitterness, web cretins have used memes (pictures of people/animals, each with a distinct and odd personality), to convey their wittiness to the great wasteland that is the Internet. For instance, the Insanity Wolf meme: a picture of a crazed wolf’s head embossed on a black-and-white background. Insanity Wolf’s... MORE »
Student Wins iPod Shuffle, Instead Given First-Generation Zune
Mizzou basketball games have their own mixture of a family culture, fan pride and intense competition. None more so than at halftime, where there are a plethora of fan-participation competitions. This year, a new game was introduced. A blind race””Truman collects the contestants’ shoes, the players face the student section, and Truman scatters shoes around... MORE »
Squirrels at Mizzou
Ever watch the “Asians in the library” video? Well, I wanted to prove that I could be just as cold and heartless as she is, so SUCK ON THAT squirrels. MORE »
Acid Shortage Dire, Artsy Students and Faculty Desperate
The availability of lysergic acid diethylamide has dropped 90 percent, and right-brained students across campus are becoming desperate. Professor Emeritus of Toxicology Marcus Johnston was arrested one week ago for the manufacture of the drug in the shed behind his house. Among the most severely affected by this shortage are students of Philosophy and English,... MORE »
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Cialis!
THIS IS SO TRUE. MORE »
The Biggest Bullshitter Tournament
It’s getting toward the end of the year, and my writers are getting bored as shit. So, this is what I’ve come up with to occupy their time. It’s a little contest I like to call, “The Biggest Bullshiter.” And yes, I’m aware that’s not grammatically correct. I’ve given each writer a mythical creature to... MORE »
Hell Yeah Quidditch Team, Hell yeah!
Only took a deal with the mafia, 2 broken fingers and half a year to find these guys. But here it is, Mizzou’s quidditch team. And yes, the girl in the picture is trying to jump, “I want it to look like i’m flying!” MORE »
Rejected Headlines of the Week
DA SHIT. MORE »
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Sperm Guy
PAHAHAHAHAHA, this was really awkward to find in the middle of class. MORE »
Maneater releases annual April Fools Edition called ‘The Carpeteater’
On April 1, 2012 the Maneater, Mizzou’s primary newspaper, published their annual April Fools Edition. This year’s title: the Carpeteater. After years of doing an April Fools edition, their reign has come to an end with their latest edition of the Carpeteater. Not only did they throw in slurs toward women but managed to insult... MORE »
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week
] Well, shit just got weird. Real weird. Even Creepier? Well, I live 5 minutes away from Grain Valley. MORE »
One Liners of the Week
So, each week we propose ideas, we sit in our tiny little meeting room and attempt to make you and the rest of the people surfing the web show some teeth. These are all of the dunce pitches, the one who no one actually wants to write a story about but we feel as though... MORE »
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: The Reason Rally
I don’t know what this “Reason Rally” is, but apparently it’s a big party for atheists who enjoy spreading their words of wisdom…and…well, eating babies. MORE »
Creepy Ad of the Week; Hookers in KC
Who knew hookers were prominent in KC? MORE »
One-Liners of the Week!
Cross country runner turns into pile of sticks Tiny dancer actually kind of fat Flat branch restaurant not actually frat branch, disappointed squirrel discovers Spanish turns out to be kind of a dick, no longer a romance language Local Satirist Runs Out of Ideas Smug Pile of Rags Mistaken For Journalism Student Mac pulls partnership... MORE »
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week; Darrel, YUM
Break me off a piece of this. MORE »
Santorum Deems College Unnecessary; Students Rebel
In a recent interview presidential candidate Rick Santorum said, “The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.” After hearing these wise words thousands of students around the world rebelled against their institutions all with the campaign, “Puppets no more!” Santorum is widely known to have a concrete... MORE »
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week: Found a Dildo
What the hell does her working for Perkins have to do with anything? MORE »
Creepy Craigslist Ad of the Week
“dead cats” (Vegas bound&gaggd) Date: 2012-02-11, 12:46PM CST I have a box full of them Anybody know a good place to dispose em? Well, Craigslist has hit a new creepy low. Let’s analyze. 1. Headline; dead cats.- I don’t like where this is going. 2. Vegas bound and Gaggd- uh.. so apparently this guy has... MORE »
Mizzou Memes
Since the dawn of unathleticism and staggering bitterness, web cretins have used memes (pictures of people/animals, each with a distinct and odd personality), to convey their wittiness to the great wasteland that is the Internet. For instance, the Insanity Wolf meme: a picture of a crazed wolf’s head embossed on a black-and-white background. Insanity Wolf’s... MORE »
Mizzou Also Gets 387th Pick; He deserves recognition too!
Dorial Greene-Beckham, Mizzou’s new football pride and joy, may have gotten most of the recognition, but he wasn’t the only one recently picked up by Mizzou. Mizzou also received the ESPNU’s 387th ranked player, Gene Troust, and he claims he deserves recognition as well. “I have worked so hard to play football in college, and... MORE »
My Gay Rights Rant: Reppin’ Blue Springs, MO
We all have our pet peeves. For some, it’s mayonnaise. For some, it’s the morning after a rough night when all you want is a water bottle. And for others, it’s the mirror pictures that 11-year-olds post to show their mosquito bites. For me, it’s when the gay community is disrespected. In my hometown of... MORE »
Quiz: What TV Stations Do the Commercials Go With?
Alright guys, lets play a game. Everyone knows that the advertising industry is generally pretty slanted, they have to be. Heck, they won’t ever sell anything if they aren’t (I mean really, who gives a shit about the Forever Lazy and it’s ass flap?). The advertisers play directly to what the public is watching. A... MORE »