In a recent interview presidential candidate Rick Santorum said, “The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.” After hearing these wise words thousands of students around the world rebelled against their institutions all with the campaign, “Puppets no more!”
Santorum is widely known to have a concrete political stance on issues such as gay rights, euthanizing and especially religion. He has gone on record saying, “Satan has his sights on the United States of America.” Apparently, Satan’s first step is the college system.
“62 percent of kids who go to college with a faith commitment leave without,” Santorum said in the same interview. This is what started the college students rebellion.
Sophomore Janie Beck believes strongly in what Santorum has said.
“It just makes so much sense now, my English teacher once told me that her favorite food was macaroni and cheese – screw that, I hate macaroni and cheese. But because of her brain washing I actually thought I liked it. How does she do that?” Beck said.
Beck is not the only one who believes in this brainwashing. Freshman Kaitlyn James also talks about her “Indoctrinate” experience.
“So I was sitting in the library, studying, minding my own business, drinking a Starbucks coffee when the librarian comes up and asks me what I got. I told her and she said that the mocha frappuccino was better.” Days went by and James was still pondering between the two drinks, when she saw Sanotrum speak, it gave her all the motivation she needed.
“I went back to the library and was like “bitch, fuck your mocha frappucino and fuck this school. Bitch. Yeah.’ And then I got arrested!”
Santorum has heard these success stories and was recently found at a New Hampshire college supporting the campaign.
“Hell yeah, college is for losers!”
Senior movement leader James Gray overheard Santorum’s battle cries and was heightened by the encouraging words.
“All we can do is stand up for what is right, and the campaign “puppets no more!’ has done just that. Finally, we have a man running for president that isn’t a college graduate.”
After that statement we informed Gray that Santorum actually had three degrees and used the idea of better higher education as the platform for his 2006 campaign.
Gray refused further comment, needless to say, his Facebook status update 12 minutes later was that of pure disgust.
“Santorum, go douche your mouth out.”
