For the first time in its history, Marist College will
enroll a student of the Jewish persuasion, despite the fact that Marist has
always been a Catholic university.

“We are thrilled that Marist College can finally say, proudly,
that we have a Jewish student on our campus,” said President Dennis Murray.
“This is almost as exciting as when the first African American enrolled here in

Daniel Rosenberg, now an official member of the class of
2014 at Marist College, was unaware that he would be the first Jew to attend
the school. “It’s cool, I guess. I don’t know, I didn’t think it was a big
deal, I just liked the school mascot and the people seemed cool. I don’t really
think it’ll be that strange, I don’t even really go to synagogue anymore.”

Current Marist students, however, were not as nonchalant as
Rosenberg. “It’s pretty sweet for him,” said Matthew Williams. “I mean, I don’t
know a lot about Jews, but”¦wait, can I call them Jews? Is that wrong? It sounds
wrong”¦Um”¦Jewish-Americans? Yeah, that’s better, I don’t know a lot about
Jewish-Americans, but”¦shit, I lost my train of thought,” adding, “I don’t
really know how to act around them.”

Marie Taylor was equally flabbergasted. “I always thought
they were mythical, like unicorns or Native Americans,” said Taylor. “Now that
I know they’re real, it’s kind of like a mind-blow. I still won’t really
believe it until I see it.”

Meanwhile, Dennis Murray is optimistic about Marist soon
enrolling students from all over the world. “It’s exciting that we’re
diversifying. I expect that, soon, we’ll get some Latino students. Maybe after
that, just maybe, we can finally enroll the second African American in Marist
history. A guy can dream, can’t he?”