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Superbowl Halftime Show: No Blood, No Foul
“Do you believe in miracles?” is the question every man, woman, and child around the country was thinking when they watched Madonna perform in the halftime show at Super Bowl XLVI. While both respective teams were resetting their focus and shooting painkillers in their knees, Madonna took over the field, hypnotizing the entire country into... MORE »
Fat Joe And Rick Ross: Hofstra Sets Guinness World Record
The air that day was palpable, filled with smells of butter, chicken wings and pop tarts. Fat Joe had received the call that morning and rose out of bed with a sudden urgency. It was Hofstra calling”¦his first job in years. “To say I’m excited is an understatement, you know, I’d really like to lean... MORE »
Difficult Courses lead to increase in Justin Bieber’s Music Sales
Today’s society expects our generation to attend college, followed by Grad School if we intend to get anywhere in life. We are given a list of Gen. Eds. that will leave not only our minds hurting but our GPA’s as well. Partying has become drinking red bull in front... MORE »
Coverage of Saturday’s Game (By Someone Who Doesn’t Get Sports)
In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. The men’s basketball team played a game this past Saturday against Northeastern that was also especially heinous. Here is every thought that crossed my mind throughout the game: > How intensely do I have to cheer when we score? I guess I’ll just... MORE »
Local College Built Atop Ancient Pedophile Burial Ground, Cursed
Following a local community college’s increased instances of, accusations against, and various hipsters’ iPhone 3G webcam recordings of “straight creepin'” and “skank ass dope” activities, the federal government has, in a move unprecedented within the bowels of human history, taken swift action to deal with the pressing matter. Republicans in Congress, as a part of... MORE »
President 2012 Race-The Basics
After many nights rolling in bed, struggling to sleep, President Barack Obama’s graying hair and aging skin worries the nation. Unlike so many Presidents before him who were already gray-haired, and had saggy white bags from the 1950s, Barack Obama is slowly turning into a Morgan Freeman look-a-like. That means even when Obama is aging,... MORE »
Omelet Station Files Chapter 11: Students Set-Up “Occupy Lackmann”
On Dec. 20th, Maria Rodriguez looked down at her bills and shook her head in awe, “There’s just no way we can stay in business, Lackmann charges us too much money in rent and supplies.” The defeated manager dropped the bill into the puddle of tears that had formed on her desk, ” We’re done, I have to file... MORE »
How Temple Run Ruined My Life
It’s 2:00 am and I’m in Penn Station. I watched a woman throw away half a Big Mac in the trashcan and after this policeman passes, I’m jumping on it. I called dibs in my head and everyone knows that totally counts. This is my life now. Not too shabby. But it wasn’t always like... MORE »
Thoughts of the Ill Willed Philosopher
The fluorescent sunlight breaks through the shades of my dorm room forcing my eyes to squint and squeal for relief from the brightness. Snow came and went in a single day. The late January morning day feels like a spring afternoon. Wearing nothing but my ex-girlfriend’s panties, I raise the shades of the window to... MORE »