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Happy Sundress Day
Patiently, all men on campus are waiting for the first day of spring. Nay, I am not talking about March 20th. Do you take us men for mere astronomers? Fie on you, knaves!* I am discussing the REAL first day of spring which nears ever sooner, thanks to one of the balmiest winters ever experienced... MORE »
Snooki’s Baby-Daddy Goes to Hofstra
As it turns out, Snooki is not the main character of the film, “A Clockwork Orange.” But she’s been as controversial. Known for her binge drinking and slurred speech, Snooki appears to be more pregnant than usual these days. The question on everyone’s mind is, who’s her baby-daddy? I’m here to tell you all that... MORE »
Hofstra Got Shakespeare’d
The month of March at Hofstra means one thing and one thing only for drama majors: Shakespeare! Lots and lots of Shakespeare. So much Shakespeare has happened, it’s an epidemic. So much Shakespeare, the students are annoyingly speaking in Middle English. So much Shakespeare that a freshman is fearing the Ides of March and regretting... MORE »
New Academic Building Actually a Spaceship
Hofstra’s not-so-New Academic building will give anyone an architectural boner. It’s sleek, sexy, and streamlined to perfection. But don’t let its clever name fool you, it has been confirmed that the building is actually a fully functional spacecraft built by NASA. That’s right, NASA. Shit just got serious. The New Academic building or, NAB, for... MORE »
HU Law Just Got Served
The oh-so-amazing Hofstra Law School is being sued as per se* part of a class action law suit by a lawyer with a name suggesting connections to a famous jeans company. One may suggest this to be a conspiracy urging more lawyers to wear jeans in the courtroom. Others believe this would not have happened... MORE »
Why Bits and Bytes Closes On The Weekends
You know what really grinds my gears? That Bits and Bytes, one of the few good dining locations on campus, closes for the weekend. But why is that? For the past couple of days I’ve tossed and turned searching for answers, day dreamed constantly through natural science lectures and snoozed through Tom Jones discussions. Does... MORE »
Student Trapped in Elevator: “Kim Kardashian’s Tweets Saved My Life”
It’s been quite a week here at Hofstra: the weather’s been beautiful, professors have been absent, and I can’t think of a third clause. But for some, there have been better weeks. Fred No-go, a fictitious yet lovable Hofstra freshman, was stuck in the library elevator for 5 hours on Sunday night. Here’s what he... MORE »
Rugby Returns to the Shire
Fifteen hearts beat as one. Seven backs divided the speed like elves that race as fast as their lives are long, and pass the ball as accurate as an arrow shooting into an orc’s eye. Eight forwards divided the muscle; brute trolls commanded by the world of man to smash body against body, scrum... MORE »
The Five Different Types Of Bored Students You’ll Encounter
We’ve all experienced it: You’re in biology lab, and your professor thinks he’s the next Dane Cook. He keeps laughing, but all you hear is silence. The girl next to you is chewing gum and popping it really loudly. What’s a kid to do? Take notes? Listen? No way, college is for partying, dude. But... MORE »
An Only Child’s Guide to Siblings Day
February brings a lot to the table as the second month of the year. We’ve got Valentine’s Day, President’s Day, and the all too important Canadian Heritage Day. But one day in particular has got me feeling like I’ve inhaled too many nail polish fumes – Siblings Day. Why, do you ask? Simple: I am... MORE »