On Dec. 20th, Maria Rodriguez looked down at her bills and shook her head in awe, “There’s just no way we can stay in business, Lackmann charges us too much money in rent and supplies.” The defeated manager dropped the bill into the puddle of tears that had formed on her desk, ” We’re done, I have to file... MORE »
Finding a companion is hard these days. If you’re like me, you probably feel like you’ve tried everything. Holding the door for her, walking her home, watching her undress from outside her bedroom window. You know, romance. But sometimes chivalry isn’t enough, gents. Nowadays, women care about ridiculous qualities like, “Will my parents like him?”... MORE »
Perhaps taking to heart my comments concering the competence and overall affectiveness of the public “safety” department, the Hofstra boner strokers and ass shakers (let’s be honest, the economy is tough) have decided to do something practical and useful for the entirety of the student body. In between handing over cash to Bernie Madoff and... MORE »
Finals week is known within the bowels of every college across the country, and DeVry, as “more brootal” than even the most hymen shattering and sticky of frat initiations. Adderall, rope, and razor blade stocks all shoot sky high (but nowhere near as high as the students) and many freshman are weeded out, opting to... MORE »
“What’s the point? We’re all just gonna die anyway.” THANKS FOR THE INFO HIPPY-DESK! How about YOU write my final papers? Eh? MORE »
This past week proved to be full of events of various levels of excitement reaching different demographics that cause us students to ask, “So which events are for us exactly?” Spring Family Weekend, and Relay for Life were among the basic events that helped bring this entire school together. Old people were here this past... MORE »
Hofstra professors are very much like fortune cookies””they are as insightful as they are tasty. Relax, I’m kidding! They’re NOT insightful (they’re just tasty). In fact, every once in awhile you get a really stupid fortune cookie that likes giving a lot of homework. Don’t get me wrong: I’ve loved a staggering 35% of my... MORE »
Cinco de Mayo is remembered as a day by many a Mexican to celebrate their freedom and independence from European powers. It is also a holiday where many an American forgets their intolerance for tequila and gets super shwasted. At Hofstra University, where the student body is more diverse than degrees offered (Hello shameless unpaid... MORE »
Then get at me, man! Has the moral code broken down at Hofstra University? Did Mitt Romney get elected president? Is this some strange bizarre world where women (Hillary Clinton) not only wear pants, but they do not own one damn dress!?!? Recently, at our prestigious country club of a university, posters advertising a candlelight... MORE »
Attention students of Hofstra University: A new species of brown-noser is currently lurking in our humble slice of Hempstead-paradise. Just last month, scientists at UCLA have noted a rapid and continuing increase in the presence of unique “suck-ups” on college campuses across the nation. To quote a reliable bystander, “They be climbin’ in yo classrooms... MORE »
It’s springtime in Hofstraland peoples. Shit be bloomin’, and you can quote me. Once again you’ll find the quads mobbed with a wide variety of student culture. Check out the list so you know what to look for. 1.) The half naked sunbather: They’re out there all right. Spread eagle on our Hofstra benches, catchin’... MORE »
There are several ways to tell the difference between a guy and a girl: length of hair, ability to drive a car, absence of a penis, etc. But one surefire way to shout your gender from a mountaintop is what you post on your dorm room wall. Your dorm room says a hell of a... MORE »
As it turns out, Snooki is not the main character of the film, “A Clockwork Orange.” But she’s been as controversial. Known for her binge drinking and slurred speech, Snooki appears to be more pregnant than usual these days. The question on everyone’s mind is, who’s her baby-daddy? I’m here to tell you all that... MORE »
Hofstra’s not-so-New Academic building will give anyone an architectural boner. It’s sleek, sexy, and streamlined to perfection. But don’t let its clever name fool you, it has been confirmed that the building is actually a fully functional spacecraft built by NASA. That’s right, NASA. Shit just got serious. The New Academic building or, NAB, for... MORE »
It’s been quite a week here at Hofstra: the weather’s been beautiful, professors have been absent, and I can’t think of a third clause. But for some, there have been better weeks. Fred No-go, a fictitious yet lovable Hofstra freshman, was stuck in the library elevator for 5 hours on Sunday night. Here’s what he... MORE »
In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. The men’s basketball team played a game this past Saturday against Northeastern that was also especially heinous. Here is every thought that crossed my mind throughout the game: > How intensely do I have to cheer when we score? I guess I’ll just... MORE »
Finding a companion is hard these days. If you’re like me, you probably feel like you’ve tried everything. Holding the door for her, walking her home, watching her undress from outside her bedroom window. You know, romance. But sometimes chivalry isn’t enough, gents. Nowadays, women care about ridiculous qualities like, “Will my parents like him?”... MORE »
Being a commuter can be tough. Whether you’ve decided to live at home to save money or because you couldn’t part with your stuffed animals, the commuter gene is a part of your DNA. Commuters like to keep to themselves, and so they rarely disclose that they live at home. The only way to tell... MORE »
“What’s the point? We’re all just gonna die anyway.” THANKS FOR THE INFO HIPPY-DESK! How about YOU write my final papers? Eh? MORE »
Hofstra professors are very much like fortune cookies””they are as insightful as they are tasty. Relax, I’m kidding! They’re NOT insightful (they’re just tasty). In fact, every once in awhile you get a really stupid fortune cookie that likes giving a lot of homework. Don’t get me wrong: I’ve loved a staggering 35% of my... MORE »
Attention students of Hofstra University: A new species of brown-noser is currently lurking in our humble slice of Hempstead-paradise. Just last month, scientists at UCLA have noted a rapid and continuing increase in the presence of unique “suck-ups” on college campuses across the nation. To quote a reliable bystander, “They be climbin’ in yo classrooms... MORE »
