Today, in the Mack Student Center cafeteria, a fire broke
out unexpectedly. This caused stir and panic amongst the students, some wondering why the
fire started, and some wondering which silly person could have caused it?
Apparently, at around four o’clock in the afternoon, a girl, whose current
identity will remain anonymous, put a plate in the toaster along with her
bread. Her brain relapse would soon doom us all. It worked fine at first, but soon enough, the blaze began. Suddenly, the
machine became a giant inferno of a fireball, so the girl screamed and ran
away. In a recent interview with the girl, she stated that, “I didn’t know how
to use the toaster, so I asked my friend if it was okay to put a paper plate in
the oven. He didn’t say anything, so I assumed that was a “Yes.”.” It is
assumed that the alleged friend doesn’t exist, seeing as how someone so dumb
couldn’t possibly have friends. An even dumber boy, trying to be a hero, tried
reaching into the inferno to pull the burning plate and bread out, but as any
person of normal intelligence could have foreseen, that just ended in third
degree burns. Truly, this is a sad day for intelligent people.  Why must we be punished for the actions of
those uncontrollable menaces? Thank goodness that the only people hurt in this event were those whom deserved it.

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