If you’re like me then your winter break has been jam packed with movies, and if you’re Jewish like me then these aren’t movies that you’ve paid for. I put more effort into researching a movie I might have to pay to see in theatres than I’ve put into my thesis. First, I check RottenTomatoes.com to see if it will even be worth my time (certified fresh!). Next, to cover the financial costs, I think back to see if any dudes have hit on me in the past week. Perhaps there is a gentlemen suitor who might want to spend $25 on movie tickets so he can try to get into my pants afterwards (minimum price to get into my pants: $26).

Many people this holiday season have enjoyed films such as the one about a scientologist (my spellcheck is telling me the word scientologist is wrong) who is supposed to impress us because he did his own stunts, aka Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. In this movie Tom Cruise scaled the outside of the Empire State Building with his captive, Katie Holmes, in his arms. Note: I also do more research before paying to see a movie than I do for my CampusBasement articles.

Some movie viewers opted for romance rather than action and spent their money on War Horse: a film about the love between a boy and his horse. This title could use some tweaking though because really it seems to me that this is just a Catherine the Great sequel (or squeakquel! [shout out to those of you who saw Chipwrecked! It looks hilarious although I probably shouldn’t shout around you since your ears are probably still bleeding])

But I opted for something darker this holiday: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. 

Michelle Alexandria of Eclipse Magazine puts it best with this sweet quote from RottenTomatoes.com: “Ho, Ho, Anal Rape? Wha?? A “¦ movie with TWO graphic anal rape scenes? This is exactly what I want to see on Christmas weekend!” (dibs on this for my yearbook quote). She gave the movie a rotten which I of course cannot understand because it really tickled my fancy. Movies during the holiday season are always filled with hope and love and Tom Cruise.. but so rarely are they filled with graphic anal rape.

The only downside is that I may never be able to listen to Orinoco Flow by Enya without clenching ever again. Also, did anyone else think a more appropriate song choice during that dungeon scene would have been S&M by Rihanna? 

My point is that when you are a poor college student such as myself, picking which movie you should pay to see requires some hard thought. This isn’t like picking someone you’re going to have sex with: this is going to be at least a 90 minute commitment.
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