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Cornell’s Dino Discrimination
yo library kid, i’ma let you finish regaining your pulse but i had one of the best life savings of all time!
Michael Hyon ’13 recently revived a student suffering a seizure in Kroch library on Monday night, proving to be Cornell’s very own EMS-reject hero. The Daily Sun quoted Hyon on his courageous rescue, who stated: “I wouldn’t say I”ˆsaved his life, but I”ˆhelped bring his pulse back.” So humble. Who knew that your pulse was... MORE »
Recently an anonymous male was found running around Olin exposing himself to females and shocking them to the point of tears. CampusBasement investigative reporter Jenna Til-Warts had an exclusive interview with the famous flasher. She pried into the mind of the psychopath in an attempt to figure out what the roots of his problems were. ... MORE »
Ms. Lee’s thesis aptly titled “Life is not fair and square” is being lauded as one of the 21st century’s greatest philosophical accomplishments. The thesis took about four years to complete. As part of her research, Ms.Lee toured inner city neighborhoods throughout America where she encountered poverty in various forms. Ms Lee stated that “uponÂ Â realizing... MORE »
Dear Blackboard Tech Staff, Nobody knows what the “community” tab is! Every time any student goes to blackboard they need to take the extra step to click on the “my blackboard” tab…why are you trying to make our lives more difficult than they already are? Sincerely, Cornellians MORE »
We all remember Clippit, don’t we? Well, if you don’t maybe this will job your memory….Clippit was our good friend from Microsoft word who used to pop up at the most convenient times to give us helpful hints about what we were doing. Mark Zuckerberg remembers Clippit. He is now trying to bring a version... MORE »
I know when you read that article in The Sun yesterday ya’ll thought to yourselves…wow this is a great Campusbasement article. But no, you did not pick up the wrong publication. B.o.B did initially refuse to pay his bar tab at Level B. This is because in society when you’re rich you don’t have to... MORE »
What some people thought was an April Fools joke at Cornell University was actually reality! Oprah was at Cornell. But, how did nobody know about her arrival, her stay or her departure? If anyone could pull off a magic trick like this it is David Blaine. Yes, Cornellians that is right. Cornell Administrators paid David... MORE »
SNOW IN OCTOBER?! MORE »
If you’re like me then your winter break has been jam packed with movies, and if you’re Jewish like me then these aren’t movies that you’ve paid for. I put more effort into researching a movie I might have to pay to see in theatres than I’ve put into my thesis. First, I check RottenTomatoes.com... MORE »
It’s the Christmas of college: Halloween weekend. Halloween was once known to all of us, in a much more innocent time, as the night where we dressed up as our favorite superhero and ate as much candy as our tiny tummy’s could hold before we puked. But now that we’re much older and wiser Halloween... MORE »
Proclamations of shock, distrust, and a hint of sexual frustration were heard across the Cornell campus as, on October 27, snow began to fall. Barry Valentine ’15 exclaimed, “I can’t believe it’s snowing in Miami at the end of October! What? We’re not in Miami?…. We’re in upstate New York?… oh then this is perfectly... MORE »
Professor Robert Johnson, a nationally acclaimed nutrition expert, has devoted his entire career to solving the obesity epidemic. “I have spent years traveling all over the country and the world trying to figure out why people in America are so goddamn fat.” After cross checking all of his references and eliminating all confounding variables, Johnson thinks he’s... MORE »
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Loch Ness monster, a good Nicholas Cage movie, Fall break. What do all of these things have in common? They’re not real. Come on, you didn’t really think you were going to get an entire 4 days off in the middle of the Fall semester did you? “But Yom... MORE »
Since the policy for fraternity parties has changed this semester, many freshmen have been left wondering Â€Âœwhere am I gonna get my keystone buzz on and rub up against total strangers?Â€Â Freshmen year without being crowded into the hot sweaty basement of a fraternity house and waking up in a “sober monitor” shirt (that you... MORE »
Due to the recent uproar on the part of both students and faculty President Skorton has finally decided to take down the fences. In place of the infamous fences Skorton has made the executive decision to fill in the gorges. Requests are now being taken to decide what the gorges should be filled with. Might... MORE »
For those of you who were captivated by The Pyrimidines and had to go back for more with the Pyrimidines Supplement I and still felt uneasy…well… wait no more. It’s finally here.. the Pyrimidines Supplement II!!!!! It will answer all the questions that The Pyrimidines and the Pyrimidines Supplement I didn’t answer like: Who writes... MORE »
You see this picture and think “I’d like to have sex there”. #1 on the list of 161 things to do before you graduate Cornell is sex in the stacks, and as a student I can’t say I’m anymore immune to this than the rest of you.. show me a dark creepy hallway that looks... MORE »