In the past few weeks there have been numerous sightings of a new
sorority all around Cornell’s campus. They have bags, they have
sweatshirts and they even have a table at Ho Plaza. These girls are
everywhere. But, where did they come from?

Just yesterday a Panhelenic representative revealed that these girls are
not just people that have been flying under your radar, but are
actually outside hires! They are paid models and actresses who are
playing students to help recruit new members for the new sorority.

Other sororities are livid because they feel underrepresented. “These
girls have more people wearing letters than my house and we were founded
in 1836!” stated an outraged sister.

And idiot fraternity boys are confused by the novels greek letters. I witnessed this reaction…

“What is their nickname gonna be? Their letters look like piss!”
“Good one bro!”

I just walked away after that. Literally put down my hypothetical microphone that I was interviewing these made-up frat bros with and walked away.

Seriously, piss? Have you ever stepped off Cornell’s campus? This is a national sorority. Imbeciles! Summoned my inner Stewie Griffen there….sorry I digress.

But, sadly, once the sorority populates these girls will move on. Probably to a place where they can keep their tan because it won’t last past Thanksgiving in Ithaca. But, if
your sorority is interested in hiring them they are always looking for
new gigs to add to their resumes!