This past weekend, it was nearly impossible to walk down College Ave without seeing bare legs, the occasional butt cheek, and multiple bare midriffs. That’s right people, Halloween has just passed and along with the physical pain you feel from eating too much candy and drinking too much Andre, you must now suffer the emotional pain that there will be no more half naked girls running around dressed up as “bunnies” or “devils”. One girl however must suffer the emotional pain of not realizing this was the norm on college campuses throughout the US. “I came from a very small town where we dressed up with our families on halloween. Last year, we were The Brady Bunch, and the year before, the Munsters. We even won the town award for best costume 6 years in a row. I thought I was a pro.” said Halle Rose ’14. “No one informed me that putting on a corset, booty shorts and furry ears was a legitimate halloween costume. My friends told me they were dressing up as nurses, so I bought scrubs, latex gloves, and syringes for authenticity purposes. When I walked into a party, someone asked my friend why she brought her mom out on halloween. I tried to get a beer, and no one would give me: they thought I was undercover IFC.” An anonymous boy commented, “Girl had potential, if the scrubs were shorts and the top was unbuttoned with a lacy bra it woulda been mad sexy. Oh and heels, it’s all about the heels.”

Cornell, take this as a warning. If you have a hilarious costume, leave it at home. And girls, you need to accept that you must objectify yourselves in order to be taken seriously on halloween.