tagged skorton »

Article by maxmartinez
May 26, 2012

Skorton and Bloomberg to Host Party at Level B

With convocation finished, and students off with their families and friends enjoying the moment, it’s time for the big guys to have fun. Tonight, at Level B, President David J. Skorton and convocation speaker and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg will be hosting an invite-only dance party. The party was not supposed to be... MORE »

Article by AE
April 1, 2012

New $1.56 Million Gorge Safety Plan

Recently, Cornell committed to spending 1.56 million dollars to make the gorges safer.  To put that in perspective, that’s enough money to cover almost forty years of Cornell tuition – reduce our campus’ carbon footprint by 30% – or, at the very least, it’s enough to get someone better than Taio Cruz for Slope Day.... MORE »

Article by maxmartinez
February 29, 2012

Cornell to Install Ski-Lift to Get Up and Down Slope

You know technology and convenience are taking the world over when you have a ski-lift installed at your school. Well, Cornell, today is our lucky today. This morning, President David Skorton announced that a ski-lift will be installed to make it easier for students to walk up the slope. “This is a new era, and... MORE »

Article by dang
January 31, 2012

Skorton Credits First Born’s Blood Sacrifice for Warm Weather

ITHACA, NY-When Cornell University President David Skorton announced last month that he was going to sacrifice his first born child in an effort to snatch the NYC tech bid, Cornellian’s were quite skeptical.  It seems as though Skorton has proved countless students wrong in not only earning the tech bid, but also in ensuring pleasurable weather for... MORE »

Article by maxmartinez
December 18, 2011

The NYC Tech Campus: Cornell’s Plan to Take Over the World

On Friday, it was announced that Cornell received a $350 million dollar donation to help their bid for a tech campus on Roosevelt Island in New York City. Cornell’s bid is now at $2 billion dollars and they are now the front-runners to win this opportunity. What people do not know is that there is... MORE »

Article by maxmartinez
December 16, 2011

Cornell Enforces Strict Dress Code on Stewart Avenue

Over the past few months, Cornell University has experienced an extraordinary amount of forcible touchings. Now these occur at every school and on every college campus in America, but there is no place like Stewart Avenue. The dark streets and dim lights are great signs for forcible touchers everywhere. It feels like every single morning... MORE »

Picture by smalls
December 15, 2011

Happy Holidays With Love from Cornell…and Apparently the Clock Tower

Oh and for Caption ideas…. Happy Holidays from Cornell and Frosty the Snowman who wishes you “Happy Holidays and hey can you help me get this thing out of my butt?” MORE »

Article by Leigh
September 17, 2011

Party at President Skorton’s House!

Since the policy for fraternity parties has changed this semester, many freshmen have been left wondering €œwhere am I gonna get my keystone buzz on and rub up against total strangers?€ Freshmen year without being crowded into the hot sweaty basement of a fraternity house and waking up in a “sober monitor” shirt (that you... MORE »

Article by dang
January 25, 2011

Skorton to Apgar: “Stop being so gay”

In an astounding change of events, it appears as though University President David Skorton is siding with the fraternities in their ongoing battle with Associate Dean Travis Apgar.  In a released transcript containing meetings between Associate Dean of Fraternity and Sorority affairs Travis Apgar and David Skorton, David Skorton appears to call out Apgar in his attempts... MORE »