In the wake of allegations of sexual harassment by women’s basketball coach Quentin Hillsman, much of Syracuse University was stunned by the revelation that the college also has a basketball team that girls can play on.

“Get out of town,” junior marketing major Greg Cameron said, when asked for his opinion on the charges that Quentin Hillsman sexually harassed a former Syracuse basketball player. “Who is that? Is he gay or something?”

When informed that it was a female player, Cameron said, “But wait, girls can’t play on the basketball team, you silly goose. Now admittedly, my grandmother has better shooting form than a lot of those guys right now, but come on, putting girls on the team seems like a pretty extreme move on Boeheim’s part.

“Wait, we have a girl’s team TOO? Are you serious?”

Freshman architecture major Frances Smith was similarly stymied when informed that the NCAA also had a women’s basketball program. “That explains why I always see those girls shooting inside an empty Carrier Dome when I’m walking back to my dorm. I’ve wondered what they’ve been doing.”

Smith said sometimes she would stop to watch the girls play in awe. “I’d watch them and think, ‘Why are they there? Doesn’t running plays that consist of nothing but layups get really boring after awhile?’”

She also thought that maybe she was the only one who could see them. “Like, maybe I’m in some kind of ‘Field of Dreams’ situation, you know? And they were telling me to repair my relationship with my mom or…something like that.

“Well, I guess it’s good to know I’m not insane,” Smith said.