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Ian Arnold

April 13, 2012

So-Called ‘Nazi Parking Meter Maid’ Recently Promoted to ‘Festungoberwerkmeister’

Like Nazis looking to persecute ‘undesirables’, the Mizzou Parking Service employees are equally eager to slap parking tickets on financially unstable students. The comparisons are uncanny, and recent eyewitness reports suggest the terminology is not too off par. Several undergraduate students walking by the office for Mizzou Parking reported hearing, “loud German” and the “clicking... MORE »

February 28, 2012

“Keep Calm and Carry On” – New Anti-Diarrhea Slogan

What was once a war-time propaganda poster in England during WWII, has now become a method of greek recruitment on Mizzou’s campus. “Keep Calm and Carry On”, in its original form, was made for the poor, sleepless citizens of London who encountered night after night of German bombings in 1941. Now it has become a... MORE »

February 9, 2012

“Safety Dance” Outlawed; Second Civil War Ends

Chaos. Bloodshed. Annihiliation. 1983–the beginning of the most violent and horrific outbreak of violence in Columbia since the Civil War. Fast forward 29 years–the day it ended. Families of the victims won’t be seen parading around Columbia. Shattered CD cases can be seen strewn all over downtown. (henceforth referred to as, “The District”). Unbeknownst to... MORE »

February 4, 2012

Kansas vs. Mizzou Drinking Game

KU vs. MU Drinking Game You couldn’t score tickets to the biggest basketball game of the year?! You worthless sack of”¦Ok, well let’s look at the bright side; you probably slept in while the rest of us woke up at horrendous hours of the morning for College Gameday. You could work out at the Rec... MORE »

January 29, 2012

What Goes Through The Mind of a Football Recruit

These aren’t his words, but let’s be honest; it probably went through his head as we chanted his name and treated him like a God. MORE »

January 26, 2012

Student Wins iPod Shuffle, Instead Given First-Generation Zune

Mizzou basketball games have their own mixture of a family culture, fan pride and intense competition. None more so than at halftime, where there are a plethora of fan-participation competitions.  This year, a new game was introduced. A blind race””Truman collects the contestants’ shoes, the players face the student section, and Truman scatters shoes around... MORE »

January 20, 2012

Top 5 YouTube Porn Parody Videos

It may not be the most epic list of XXX parodies, but per YouTube’s standards, these are the best of the best. You’ll see classic cartoon characters, a superhero and a pudding-pop loving icon re-made into the dirty alter ego you always wanted to see. We here at Mizzou don’t condone viewing of pornographic material... MORE »

January 12, 2012

Ron Paul Watches V for Vendetta, Seeks to Abolish Executive Branch

When a major politician seeks the legalization of marijuana, it speaks volumes to the millions of advocates nationwide. Millions more jump on board when a presidential nominee promises to eliminate all military engagements brought about in the last decade. For Ron Paul, this appeal to the masses has proven successful in the Iowa and New... MORE »

December 14, 2011

Stuff Your Sins In a Cup

Feeling guilty about defacing campus property during your night of binge drinking? Concerned someone may find out about the fire alarm you pulled at 4 AM following another round of Keystone Light and Captain Morgan? Or are you paranoid your RA can smell the pot seeping from your room? Stuff your sins in a cup!... MORE »