Professor Gupta, long-time professor in the SU math
department, came clean last week, stating, “I admit, my English is, in fact,
impeccable. The façade, one which I have kept up for the last few years, was
all an act, smoke and mirrors, if you will, used to confuse students.”


Students who previously enrolled in Gupta’s class were
shocked and appalled at the news. “Are you serious?” inquired former student
Devin Longhorn. “I failed stats because of that douche! It sounded like there
was peanut butter in his mouth!”


Rob Caldwell agreed. “I once heard that dude say, “Purple
people is the square denominator.’ And I wasn’t even high that day!”


When asked why, for so many years, Gupta had pretended to
have a thick, Indian accent, far beyond anything resembling English, he replied, “It’s part of the Syracuse Professor
By-Laws, specifically aimed at math professors. We’re supposed to make a
confusing subject all the more bewildering. In reality, all of us speak better
English than the English department.” Added Gupta, “I was a novelist in India before I came to


“Son of a bitch,” said Caldwell. “Son. Of. A. Bitch.”

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