Receptionist: Welcome to the health center, Can I help you?

Student: Uh, yeah, I drank some really old vodka and”¦I think I’m dying.

Receptionist: Ok, if you could just fill out these three forms we will be right with you.

Student: Ok, well can I fill them out after I see a doctor or something? I’m pretty sure my lower intestine is about to shoot out of my rectum.

Receptionist: Uh huh, yes, we will take a look at all that as soon as you fill out these forms.

Student: (passes out)

(5 minutes later…)

Student wakes up with receptionist holding smelling salts above student’s nose.

Receptionist: Phew. That was a close one. Are you ok?

Student: I think so”¦I’m still not feeling great, but”¦

Receptionist: Does it hurt when you go like this? (moves wrist)

Student: No”¦

Receptionist: Good. Then fill out these forms and we’ll be right with you.

(5 minutes later)

Student: Here are the forms, is there anything else you need?

Receptionist: Nope, you’re all set. Just give me your insurance card, I’ll make a copy, and then you’ll hear from us in a few days.

Student: A few days?! Wait, can I see a doctor today or not?

Receptionist: Oh, no no no. You have to make an appointment for that!

Student: OK, look, I feel awful. I just passed out in your lobby. Is there any way I could see someone today?

Receptionist: Let me take a look. Hmm, sorry, actually we are booked for the next 2 weeks.

Student: Are you serious?! I’ve been throwing up and having diarrhea all day. I think I have that stomach bug.

Receptionist: Ugh, that’s disgusting. You’re going to have to leave, I don’t want you contaminating me.

Student: You’re kicking me out?

Receptionist: Yes. I can’t have you infecting everyone here.

Student: This is a health center!

Receptionist: Sir, kindly lower your voice and leave.

Student: This is ridiculous. (Turns to leave, then comes back) Can I have some free condoms?