Hundreds of SU students were reportedly sent to the
University Hospital today as a result of injuries sustained due to
overcrowding at Syracuse’s annual Juice Jam music festival. The outdoor concert,
which featured Lupe Fiasco as its headlining act, sold out to its 5,000 person
capacity this year for the first time in the event’s seven year history. Subsequently,
numerous students wishing to attend were locked out of getting a ticket.


Among them was senior finance major Walter Harris, the 5,001st
attendee who snuck in through the woods in the back of the lot and
single-handedly caused the concert to spiral out of control and erupt into an
enormous riot that involved dozens of violent fistfights, mosh pits, tramplings,
and bloodshed. SU’s Department of Public Safety was already on the scene to
maintain order, but once the expansive, nearly ten acre Skytop Field had
exceeded its precisely calculated maximum volume, there was little they could
do to stop the chaos.


“The field’s capacity was determined to be exactly 5,000
people,” said DPS officer Tommy Krupky. “The number of tickets is limited for a
reason ““ any more than that and it becomes a gigantic safety hazard as we
witnessed today. We just couldn’t control it.”


The severe overcrowding also resulted in the food tents
running out of food, which kind of sucked and is probably more their own fault
than the student’s.


Still, Walter Harris acknowledged his mistake in sneaking
into the concert and earnestly expressed his remorse: “I was really really
high.” Also, his friends had all managed to get tickets and there was no way he
was going to miss the last Juice Jam of his undergraduate career as an SU
student. And honestly, the field is like, freakin’ huge. “Is one more person
really going to make a difference?” Harris finally asked.


When asked for a response to Harris’s inquiry, comatose
Juice Jam riot victim Ashley Plonsky blinked once for “yes.”

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